tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81497945839524672752024-03-13T14:49:14.835-07:00LDS Intended Parent of a baby concieved through SurrogacyCambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-59548572015853763962012-07-13T00:22:00.001-07:002012-07-13T01:12:50.547-07:00Our journey in video<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/DQ2sj3Prqro" width="560"></iframe><br />
Thank you to my wonderful husband who made this video. He made it with no input from me at all. Good summary of our journey through the past 5 years from the lows of my pregnancy to the highs of surrogacy.<br />
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His music choice is also perfect. I can't tell you how many prayers we as a family have sent heavenward regarding this aspect of our life. Prayer has been a huge part of this experience. I am here to tell you that I know that the Lord answers our prayers of faith. Thankfully, our story had a very happy ending. But even if it had not, I still know that the Lord is mindful of us and knows what is best for us in the end since we are unable to see the big picture. <br />
If you go back to the first posts of this blog, you notice I have a very "I'm-going-on-a-surrogacy-journey-it-will-be-fun!-come-along" type of attitude. It was almost too easy: Sacrifice financially a bit (ok, a lot) and then bingo: you get a baby. I think the Lord needed to make it take years and many failures and heart breaks to make it work. We were going to quit last year. We had made up our mind. But Dr. Foulk gave us one more extreme step we could take to make it work. It took fasting, prayer and a huge leap of faith but it worked. <br />
I <i>know </i>that the Lord custom makes our trials for all of us. They are designed to make a stronger, better people. He chooses what will be most trying to us and put us on the verge of breaking...so we need him. So that we can use the atonement of Christ to take the pain away. The atonement is already completed: Christ suffered for not only our sins but also our pains both physical and emotional. We don't have to carry the burden ourselves. We just need to utilize the atonement.<br />
I know that these trials and experiences have changed me. I feel so much more sensitive to people around me who are suffering. I've been learned patience and to rely on the Lord and less on myself. I've learned to easily let other less eternity-altering trials go. I don't even blink at a trial if it doesn't affect my family's eternity. <br />
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Thanks for coming caring enough to read my blog. This is a beautiful ending to a long sad story. <b><i>And we lived happily ever after.....THE END.</i></b>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-52007953169064294072012-07-12T19:59:00.000-07:002012-07-12T19:59:06.864-07:00Post-birth lifeMany aspects of post-birth life to write about here. Here are my topics, so pick your own adventure:<br />
1. Life in the hospital<br />
2. Legal Issues<br />
3. Relationship with Vanessa<br />
4. Digging for the negative<br />
5. My relationship with Spencer<br />
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1. Life in the hospital<br />
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After little Spencer was born, S and I got to go to the newborn nursery while they gave him his bath and shots and stuff. I asked the nurse how many of the moms cry while watching their babies being persecuted so. She said "none- we never have mom's back here. Only dads". Duh! Cool that I get to go where no mom has gone before...<br />
So the way it works in a hospital after a surrogate baby is born is that they give the surrogate mom her own room and then they give baby his own room and parents can "room in" with him. So I slept in a hospital bed for 2 nights at Spencer's side. The room was next to Vanessa's room which was fun so we were back and forth while they were still at the hospital. I wore a name band that matched Spencer's. We both had "Vanessa Amundson" on our name band which was a little weird, but oh well. Vanessa was allowed to pick 1 other person besides herself that had access to the baby. I got the golden ticket so S didn't have any access to him without Vanessa or I present. If I wanted to eat, I had to go to the cafeteria or something and I had to drop baby back off in the nursery (can't leave him with S in our room). One time I did just that and dropped of Spencer at the nursery. Then, after lunch I went to go pick him up again and a new nurse I had not seen before answered the nursery door. I stood there in my street-clothes and said "I'm just here to get my baby". She had that look on her face like "I know you are here to kidnap a baby and you are not going to get away with it". Even while comparing our name bands she seemed dubious. I'm sure the other nurses filled her in real quick after I left.<br />
I also found it entertaining as housekeepers and other such people came in that they would look at me and it was obvious they had no clue how I could be so thin sitting there cross legged on my hospital bed in hospital clothes. <br />
I'm going to be honest here and say that I felt some guilt as I watched swollen-bellied edematous women hobbling down the hallway after just giving birth. I felt very out of place for sure. I felt guilty for being able to enjoy my newborn so fully. With my own 2 children that I gave birth to I wasn't able to fully enjoy my babies nearly as much because half of your attention is your own pain, exhaustion, and breastfeeding. But this time my newborn had my undivided attention. My worst complaint was an uncomfortable hospital bed. Yep, I felt some guilt.<br />
Oh, one thing S and I thought was funny was on the way home from the hospital when the hospital financial lady called me. She said "Vanessa says you will be paying the bill for her......(reluctantly)...is that right?" I told her yes and so she told me I'd have both hers and our hospital bill. I know she was trying to prep us for some astronomical number she was going to tell us we owed. "Ok, so if you can't pay it all now, that is ok. The total is $635" I almost laughed at her. Is that it?????!!! After this entire surrogacy experience we are used to some HUGE expenses. Just steve's flight out here cost more than that. I almost told the lady that just the medications alone to conceive little Spencer cost $10,000 and that was only the 5th attempt. It was like someone apologizing as they tell you that your dream house cost $20. Anyway, I thought it was funny but it probably isn't that funny to everyone else.<br />
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2. Legal issues<br />
The particular details of my legal issues this surrogacy I will save for another blog post another day. I'll summarize and say that my attorney was supposed to get us what is called a Pre-Birth Order. Some states use them and some do not. A pre-birth order is a legal document signed by a judge that you are supposed to have on hand at the delivery that declares that the intended parents will be on the birth certificate and not the surrogate mother. We were supposed to have it 2 months ago. But, since we didn't have it in place Vanessa is on the birth certificate and she declares who the father is (of course S is the father). Then her husband has to sign something verifying that the baby is not his. So Vanessa and S are on the the birth certificate and I am not. Now it will be figured out in the courts in the next few weeks and then the "original" birth certificate will be "sealed" and S and I will be on the birth certificate. <span style="background-color: white;">Vanessa and I both predicted about 6 months ago that this would happen and I had decided that it wouldn't be that big of a deal since I knew Vanessa would still give me my baby and all. But I didn't anticipate some of the complicating factors it would cause. First of all, I couldn't make any decisions for Spencer in the hospital. I couldn't approve blood tests and I couldn't sign the consent for the circumcision. The doctor came in to the room ready to have me sign the paperwork for the circumcision and I opened my big fat mouth and told him I wasn't legally the mom. Vanessa had already gone home and S was not at the hospital at the moment. Thus, the doctor wouldn't do it and we had to wait a week to do it at the pediatricians office. So later, at the pediatricians office 2 days after birth we told the doctor and staff there that I was not the legal mother (yet) and that S would not be in the state still on the scheduled day of the procedure. We asked if he could sign the paperwork ahead of time. They said yes and he signed all of the paperwork. Then, after S left the state, they called me and said they had changed their minds and they wanted a legal guardian present at the procedure. So, thankfully I have a great relationship with Vanessa and she was able to pop in the morning of the circumcision and sign paperwork for it. The ridiculous thing about that entire situation is that there was absolutely no solid evidence at all that Vanessa was the legal mother. We had not birth certificate or paperwork from the hospital. I could have pulled any Jane Doe off of the street and declared her to be the legal guardian. </span><br />
Jordan Valley hospital had only dealt with 2 surrogacies in the past. Both of those situations there had been pre-birth orders in place. They have a "Birth Certificate Specialist' at the hospital. We made her job really hard the day we were there. She was on the phone with people from the State trying to figure out what to do with us because she had no idea. My attorney had given me a run down of what would have to be done with the birth certificiate and paperwork, and I showed the hospital lady the email from my attorney, but she didn't believe any of it and had to go find it out herself the hard way. All of this slowed our progress in getting out to of the hospital.<br />
At this point if Spencer has to get blood drawn again or something there is no way I'm going to mention the fact that I'm not the legal mother. It is a huge pain and I will be by the end of the month anyway and I'll be made the mom retroactively from the moment of birth. No sense in complicating things anymore. Lesson learned.<br />
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3. My relationship with Vanessa. <br />
This entire surrogacy experience has been so fairy-tale like. It was the ideal surrogacy experience. I would never do without a legal contract (even with family) but there wasn't once where we had to use it or argue anything. <br />
We agree at this point that we will have an open relationship. Considering we don't live in the same State, we probably won't see each other much-- but we have special friendship. I've loved the few times she has visited since we had Spencer. It is fun to watch her hold him and I know we both feel a sense of pride for his cuteness. I added the most important ingredients and she added the others and did all of the cooking : )<br />
I agree with Vanessa that I think she should have a life-time "auntie Vanessa" sort of relationship. It is great that we both feel the same about this. I guess in the end, it is the intended parents who make the final call. Just glad we agree! Vanessa will always be special to us and she'll get school picture every year and we'll keep in touch.<br />
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4. Digging for the Negative<br />
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Overall, my experience with surrogacy experience with Vanessa was so so very wonderful. I'm going to point out that I truly am digging here for negativity. The only reason again for you people out there who potentially might do this yourself. Just things to think about to prevent possibly problems.<br />
There are 2 things that I thought of that bothered me in our entire year long experience.<br />
#1- The fact that we almost delivered our baby at a hospital where we where she was not insured. It didn't end up being a problem in the end since Vanessa figured it out a few weeks ago and she was very great to work with and easy going about switching. Being an intended parent, I have to pay for all of the medical bills and pay for part of insurance, but I have no access to any information about what coverage my surrogate has or where. I had no way of knowing which hospitals where in network versus out of network. Vanessa told me originally that that our original hospital choice was in-network and I had no reason not to believe her. She just assumed that since the doctor she was using (and who was in-network) worked at that particualar hospital, that the hospital was covered too. It was an innocent mistake by someone who hasn't dealt that much with insurance. Good thing she figured it out month 8 because it could have majorly cost us and we had absolutely no way of finding out for ourselves. Anyway-- happy it ended up not being a problem. <br />
#2- The fact that Vanessa and her husband chose to try to get the baby to come without consulting with S or I first. I am in no way angry with her for this. In fact, at this point I'm really glad that they decided to get things moving when they did because the timing really was perfect. I'm glad it didn't happen after S left to go back to Illinois. That day at lunch we had joked about having her go run a marathon to get things moving. But it was very much a joke. S and I had discussed it with just the 2 of us as a possibility. But we had come to the conclusion that even if he missed the birth, or we had to buy another $700 flight, we wanted to let baby come when he was ready to give him the best chance of good health. So, I was a bit hurt to find out Vanessa and Clark and made the decision for us-- jumping jacks, jumping on the bed and stripping her membranes. Anyway- it is history now, and I'm absolutely glad at this point that she did it. Things worked about beautifully.<br />
I might be more sensitive about this topic because in my first contract with my first surrogate. Our attorney gave us what was "standard" for a contract and then we were to adjust it to meet our needs. The only thing that I was absolutely against was the fact that according to the contract, the surrogate was to be paid in full if she gave birth any time after 32 weeks as long as the baby eventually made it either home or to a well-baby unit in the hospital. I've been pregnant before and I know that the last month is miserable so I know it is a temptation for all to try to end it early. What keeps mom's from doing it is their desire to give their child the best chance at health. But if this was a surrogate mom like my first surrogate (whom it did not have any sort of relationship with) what is to stop her from doing jumping jacks and castor oil at 32 weeks? Even if the baby has permanent birth defects and problems for life, she still gets paid in full. I would have preferred that the payments be pro-rated and surrogate be paid for the number of weeks that they were actually pregnant, but my attorney insisted that that was asking too much. So with both of my surrogates the contract said they are paid in full if they deliver after 36 weeks.... and I didn't like it. I just didn't like the idea of them not having financial motivation to keep the pregnancy going for as long as possible. Now I know that Vanessa truly cared about me and my child and wasn't trying to end the pregnancy early just to end her own symptoms. She just figured with S leaving in 3 days she didn't want to make his trip a waste of time/$. Also, her husband was starting a new job in 2 days and she was moving in 7 days. Lots going on. I see her perspective.<br />
Anyway- obviously both of these "negative" things I brought up didn't actually end up being negative. Everything was peachy perfect. But they had the <i>potential </i>of being negative. <br />
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5. Relationship with Spencer<br />
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I absolutely adore that tiny guy. I sometimes feel like I need to pinch myself when I realize that my dream of so many years has come true! Sometimes when he's been sleeping for a while and I go to "check and make sure he is still cute" I see how sweet he is and I have to do a double-take and remind myself that he is <i>mine.</i><br />
His poor sweet little head and face has been smothered with kisses from his adoring mom, grandma, and 2 sisters who can't get enough of him.<br />
Some family members this week asked me about my relationship with Spencer as a newborn compared to my other children whose pregnancies I bore myself. I'm going to be honest with the world and my blog and say that the relationship is not the same. But I definitely feel like breastfeeding might be a big part of that. When you breast feed, there is a hormonal attachment going on. If you are away from baby for too long and you start to become engorged, your body sends signals to your brain and you miss your baby. When mothers try to wheen from breastfeeding they often experience a depression. I have none of this. I know that I could have taken the medications to try to start lactation. But for some reason, it just didn't seem important (and it still doesn't). All that is important is getting a healthy baby. the rest of fluff and not worth stressing over. <br />
All moms of multiple children know that when you have another baby sometimes you can forget that you have a newborn when you get busy in your old routine with the other children. I remember the first time Lydia was old enough to go and play instead of being in my arms at a park. I found myself keeping an eye on Kiera because I was used to it and I had to keep reminding myself "oh- I have <i>two</i> to watch now!" Well, I find I'm more likely to forget Spencer than with my others probably because I'm not recovering from childbirth and I'm not lactating. <br />
Lets talk about love at first sight. Again, I'm being perfectly honest here. When baby #1 (Kiera) was born. I think I had some initial negative feelings mixed in with love for a little stranger. That she had put me through hell. I very quickly forgave her and learned to love her over the next few days. Baby #2-- pregnancy had not been quite as bad (still terrible compared to everyone else). Last 3 months had been pretty darn good. When Lydia was born it was love at first sight. I felt like I knew her and the love just expanded from there.<br />
When Spencer was born he felt like a stranger to me but nevertheless it was love before first sight. I broke down in tears in the delivery room at the sight of the nurse preparing the warming-bed for him just knowing that in a few moments my tiny son would be laying there. The birth was so much more of an emotional experience. It had been so highly anticipated. During the pregnancy the time that I had the most uninterrupted time to think was when I was running on my treadmill. I'd start imagining the delivery and meeting my tiny son and I'd break down bawling. (running and bawling are difficult to do at the same time). So in summary, I adore Spencer. I loved him at first sight equal to my 2nd daughter and even more son than my first. But I do find that I'm more likely to forget that I have him when I get busy with something. And I feel the hormonal attachment is not the same as when nursing.<br />
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<br />Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-72112424269674243182012-07-10T21:12:00.001-07:002012-07-10T21:12:30.015-07:00pictures say a million wordsSo these pictures are royally out of order. The main problem is that they are from 5 different cameras. I'm sorry folks, but it would be way too much work to put them in correct order. I don't have the time with a new baby and 2 adjusting older siblings. But, you can get the idea in a backwards sort of way. Awesome music video of the experience in progress
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JBrSTMTr1-Q/T_z5wjHzH7I/AAAAAAAATMo/eIlWFvH0alQ/s1600/BabySpencer_10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JBrSTMTr1-Q/T_z5wjHzH7I/AAAAAAAATMo/eIlWFvH0alQ/s1600/BabySpencer_10.JPG" /></a>Girls meet brother</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e--2hafJFYg/T_z5xHLxNII/AAAAAAAATMw/tZ5xe1F__N0/s1600/BabySpencer_11.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e--2hafJFYg/T_z5xHLxNII/AAAAAAAATMw/tZ5xe1F__N0/s1600/BabySpencer_11.JPG" /></a>Kiera adoring his toes</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1hO5hNavZ2I/T_z5xUc_wbI/AAAAAAAATM4/LJmUJvaUK74/s1600/BabySpencer_15.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-1hO5hNavZ2I/T_z5xUc_wbI/AAAAAAAATM4/LJmUJvaUK74/s1600/BabySpencer_15.JPG" /></a>meeting baby brother</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HLXS8Ng4I-k/T_z5yVHdPII/AAAAAAAATNI/Dyyk1ex8tPk/s1600/BabySpencer_18.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HLXS8Ng4I-k/T_z5yVHdPII/AAAAAAAATNI/Dyyk1ex8tPk/s320/BabySpencer_18.JPG" width="320" /></a>The Nelson family and Clark and Vanessa</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fBhN7gEfFyo/T_z5zAci18I/AAAAAAAATNY/Hcggwyrca-Q/s1600/IMG_0026.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fBhN7gEfFyo/T_z5zAci18I/AAAAAAAATNY/Hcggwyrca-Q/s320/IMG_0026.jpg" width="238" /></a>Wonderful supportive husband Clark</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9WeWkjFudKo/T_z5zrQ3CDI/AAAAAAAATNg/L8PkCfhdkqA/s1600/IMG_0034.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9WeWkjFudKo/T_z5zrQ3CDI/AAAAAAAATNg/L8PkCfhdkqA/s320/IMG_0034.jpg" width="238" /></a>Vanessa holding Spencer on the outside : )</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4Nwjfcu3j_8/T_z50E90d8I/AAAAAAAATNo/arJAHjiP3cA/s1600/IMG_0035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4Nwjfcu3j_8/T_z50E90d8I/AAAAAAAATNo/arJAHjiP3cA/s320/IMG_0035.JPG" width="320" /></a>"I'm so exhausted!"</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WJrchVJWFcE/T_z51O-Bt_I/AAAAAAAATN4/V_Omr63apkc/s1600/IMG_0039.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WJrchVJWFcE/T_z51O-Bt_I/AAAAAAAATN4/V_Omr63apkc/s320/IMG_0039.JPG" width="320" /></a>Mother and surrogate mother</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KstW6YsZdrw/T_z52rCsC7I/AAAAAAAATOQ/ZsBAu6F20IM/s1600/IMG_0051.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KstW6YsZdrw/T_z52rCsC7I/AAAAAAAATOQ/ZsBAu6F20IM/s320/IMG_0051.jpg" width="238" /></a>Putting on my wristband with Vanessa's name</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AEr90xYoa0Y/T_z546bRGqI/AAAAAAAATO4/kzkbIsbkPVA/s1600/P1110545.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AEr90xYoa0Y/T_z546bRGqI/AAAAAAAATO4/kzkbIsbkPVA/s320/P1110545.JPG" width="320" /></a>Comparing arm size to Spencer size</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lkbRaXcnCPw/T_z55cM4HrI/AAAAAAAATPA/B_hKhPCqSDU/s1600/P1110561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lkbRaXcnCPw/T_z55cM4HrI/AAAAAAAATPA/B_hKhPCqSDU/s320/P1110561.JPG" width="320" /></a>Me and my tiny roommate in our room for 2 days</div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BBpA_xtAl1c/T_z56bTU1gI/AAAAAAAATPY/AHLiX56Tm6E/s1600/P1110576.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-BBpA_xtAl1c/T_z56bTU1gI/AAAAAAAATPY/AHLiX56Tm6E/s320/P1110576.JPG" width="320" /></a>Going home</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--6Z-duMgCxg/T_z570K71rI/AAAAAAAATPo/gVgJUSikTi4/s1600/P1110599.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--6Z-duMgCxg/T_z570K71rI/AAAAAAAATPo/gVgJUSikTi4/s320/P1110599.JPG" width="320" /></a>2 day old visit from Vanessa</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-58KzAicN6QI/T_z58f6174I/AAAAAAAATPw/ys1ZGQ1XsLM/s1600/eating.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-58KzAicN6QI/T_z58f6174I/AAAAAAAATPw/ys1ZGQ1XsLM/s320/eating.JPG" width="320" /></a>At Texas Roadhouse just 11 hours before we headed to the hospital. All of us joking "now that we are all here and ready, he won't come!"</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sNir5lUH95E/T_z588wwxcI/AAAAAAAATP4/6KMir-7-W18/s1600/spencer+10.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sNir5lUH95E/T_z588wwxcI/AAAAAAAATP4/6KMir-7-W18/s320/spencer+10.JPG" width="213" /></a>Picture says it all</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WUxIBnleT1w/T_z59wYUf2I/AAAAAAAATQI/Nbo647rB1NM/s1600/spencer+16.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WUxIBnleT1w/T_z59wYUf2I/AAAAAAAATQI/Nbo647rB1NM/s320/spencer+16.JPG" width="320" /></a>After seeing our sweet son for first time</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kZ5Iu8eJvdU/T_z5-CYPrRI/AAAAAAAATQQ/6ZwBJt4iNzM/s1600/spencer+19.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kZ5Iu8eJvdU/T_z5-CYPrRI/AAAAAAAATQQ/6ZwBJt4iNzM/s320/spencer+19.JPG" width="320" /></a>Guys hanging out on the side-lines during labor</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cZh-vM5acT4/T_z6CBiOTAI/AAAAAAAATRU/oEcwNzfEki8/s1600/spencer+44.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cZh-vM5acT4/T_z6CBiOTAI/AAAAAAAATRU/oEcwNzfEki8/s320/spencer+44.JPG" width="320" /></a>Delivering a placenta. Photographer was yelled at by doctor for this picture</div>
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<br />Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-12039084384790185522012-07-01T13:11:00.002-07:002012-07-01T13:11:44.372-07:00He's here!<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;"><span style="color: red;">THE SHORT VERSION:</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-Steve and I got just 24 hours before he was born. Tough choice on same-day tickets but obviously we chose right</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-Vanessa's water broke during the night and we all were speeding to the hospital. Baby was very near to being born in on the roads of South Jordan thanks to our freeway exit being closed.</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-1 push and baby was out. Very literally. I turned to tell Steve I see his head and by the time I turned back around he was out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-Spencer was born at 1:06am 6 lbs 4 oz and 18 1/2 inches long. Healthy as can be. </span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-Vanessa is doing great other than severe arm pain which we were hoping would resolve with birth</span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">-Absolutely magical experience. Loving our sweet son. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
decided to come to Utah a bit more than a week early (had tickets for the 6th). Vanessa was in her
doctor's office doing paperwork stuff when she saw her doctor passing by and he asked if
she wanted to be checked. Were it not for this check he did, I never
would have made it to Utah on time. 3cm dilated and 80% effaced.
She had another appointment in 2 days so at first S and I decided we
would just wait until then and then make decisions on travel plans. I had
checked on train tickets and there were none available until the 4th of july.
But, the next morning I re-checked and there were 3 (I needed 3 for me
and my girls) for that very day. I bought the tickets at 11:30am and I
left for Utah 5 hours later after some frantic packing....without waiting for that 2nd appointment results.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">The train ride takes 30
hours. The next morning while on the train I got the news from Vanessa
about her being 4cm and 90%. So then S. and I have to make the decision
on if we should fly him out now or wait. $700 plane ticket and he is
supposed to be at work on Monday. I felt strongly that he should come so
he too bought same-day tickets. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">My train was re-routed
through wyoming due to the fires in Colorado. Delays are
not appreciated when I knew it could potentially mean I miss the
birth of my baby. I was pretty stressed. Vanessa promised to take
it easy and thankfully it worked and she didn't go into labor. The only
thing I could think to do was just pray. Of course my initial thought is
"I need to ask Heavenly Father to not let him come for the next 12
hours". But of course praying helps put things in perspective.
The only thing that I could pray for is that my baby would be healthy and
safe. I just couldn't bring myself to ask the Lord for more than that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Me and my kids arrived
in Utah on Saturday at 12:30am. Steve arrived at 3:30am. That day we
went to lunch with Vanessa and Clark. Then we managed to get some
pictures together. We planned on spending the evening together but I
backed out because I was so exhausted from 2 nights on a train.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I went to bed at 7pm.
Of course that means that I woke up at midnight and was done sleeping.
I was laying there in bed thinking "maybe I'll go clean the
bathroom" when my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it
was Vanessa and my mouth went dry as she told me her water broke. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">We had to make an
instant decision: go to the closer hospital (with no insurance coverage
for baby) or make the 20-30 minute drive to the hospital that insurance would pay for. Ultimately I gave the decision to Vanessa so she opted for the
further one and there was no time for discussion. We got in the car and
started racing to the hospital. We cautiously ran about 5 red lights and
intended to speed all of the way there. Unfortunately, we got right
behind a cop. I knew I would be able to explain fast enough if got pulled
over...."we're going to the hospital! Where having a baby!"
"um......" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">As luck would have it,
our exit in SLC was CLOSED. Vanessa called and told me about 1 minute
before we got to it. They did not have a GPS but we did so I told her
we'd catch up to her and we'd guide the way. But once we were there we
could not reach Vanessa by phone. It went straight to voicemail. I
was going absolutely nuts thinking to myself "the only reason she would
turn off her phone is if she was having the baby right now". We
managed to get to the hospital where we discovered her car right out front with
the doors open and empty. I'm dashing full speed through the hospital
trying to figure out where she is at wondering if my baby has already been born.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">He wasn't there yet but
she was at a 10 and the nurses were telling her not to push since the doctor
wasn't there. It was very weird to be bed-side to someone going through such
terrible pain in my behalf. Very humbling for sure. I wanted to
help-- but my contribution was holding the ice chips. After a few minutes of
her in terrible pain begging to push they let her. I saw about a
golf-ball size amount of hair and turned to tell Steve to come and see his
son's head. It literally took 2 seconds and by the time I turned around
he was laying on the bed. He came out on the first push! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I was so overwhelmed
with emotion. Even more so than with my babies that I gave birth to.
I think when you give birth yourself you are still in that "labor
and delivery amnesia" a bit and things don't fully register or something.
The emotion I felt was the same emotion of when I was kneeling in the
temple being married to the love of my life for time and all eternity. I
was sobbing over the alter just overcome with the fact that my eternity
was permanently changing....for the good. Same feeling
seeing my sweet baby boy for the first time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">This entire thing has
been so miraculous to me. Were it not for Vanessa's doctor running into
her while she was doing paperwork at the office and volunteering to check her
on the spot we would have never known how quickly she was progressing and never
have made the decision to buy same day tickets to come out here. Baby was
born just 24 hours after I arrived and less than 24 after Steve arrived. I
feel like this is one of those "tender mercies" that the Lord gives
us. Yes, it would have been fine for us to miss the birth
practically....but I REALLY wanted to be there with Steve and have this magical
moment together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">So at this point me and
baby Spencer get to hang out together in our hospital room. We are next
door to Vanessa so we've spent plenty of time in there going over the
excitement and craziness of it all and awing over my sweet son. It is fun to have such a great relationship together. I can't imagine how it would feel to have a surrogate who wasn't really my friend. I think this postpartum part of it would feel very awkward. Being in the same hospital unit but yet not wanting to spend time together because you are not really close. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">Vanessa, of course, exceeds her wonderfulness and within 8 hours of giving birth she is doing a photo shoot for us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium;">What an absolutely beautiful experience. I love my life and my sweet baby son! And we all are living happily ever after......<i>not</i> the end.</span></div>
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<br /></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-83288848834266983352012-06-27T18:37:00.001-07:002012-06-27T18:37:19.277-07:00Getting Antsy in ILVanessa called today. 3cm dilated and 80% effaced. Having some strong/uncomfortable contractions.<br />
I NEED to know what this means!!! If she was to tell me right now that she thinks she could possibly be going into labor it would probably take me 12-20 hours to get to her depending on time of day and flights. <br />
I do NOT want to miss this baby being born. <br />
Although I would normally want my baby cook as long as possible, I think I prefer having an earlier induction date just to be on the safe side so everything can be happily in place at the time of birth. Vanessa sees the doctor again in 2 days. Waiting for suggestions from someone professional on whether or not I should start heading west.Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-86744140368107751482012-06-26T18:46:00.000-07:002012-06-26T18:46:58.104-07:00Last minute hospital switchSo this isn't such an exciting post for family or friends, but it is part of the surrogacy experience so I thought I'd better document it.<br />
Today (T-24 days) we decided to change hospitals and doctors and such. We will now be delivering in the Salt Lake Valley (and the doctor's appointments will be there too--about 28 miles away). The problem: insurance. Bla! So Vanessa has insurance (which we pay for) to pay for the delivery. We have different insurance which will cover the baby. Both of these insurance plans have multiple hospitals close to Vanessa that are in-network. However, they cover the exact opposite hospitals. So we had 2 choices: either go to the very rural hospitals, or this hospital in SL. <br />
We have in our legal contract that we are delivering our baby at the hospital in Provo. But that will not be the case. Should we have figured this out before now? Absolutely. Let me tell how the mistake was made so others can avoid the error. So in the let's-make-a-legal-contract phase I asked Vanessa which hospital she would want to deliver at. She suggests a hospital and I made sure my insurance would cover it (assuming that she suggested it because she already knew it was covered by her insurance). She had verified that her doctor who is across the street from the hospital was in-network and therefore assumed that the hospital was in-network too. The only access I have to Vanessa's insurance is what she can send me by email and such. I can not call and verify coverage because I am not her.<br />
Oh well. Good thing we figured it out! Problem solved. Now I just have to pray that Vanessa doesn't deliver my son on the freeway on the way to the hospital!Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-55204627294840816032012-06-13T18:57:00.001-07:002012-06-13T18:57:16.898-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5SlfgY9K70/T9lDnqJXE3I/AAAAAAAASJU/jm-lbSmGVj8/s1600/P1110391.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5SlfgY9K70/T9lDnqJXE3I/AAAAAAAASJU/jm-lbSmGVj8/s320/P1110391.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aKXGsYqDvYQ/T9lDplG0DWI/AAAAAAAASJc/pCEJwWLF8H4/s1600/P1110396.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aKXGsYqDvYQ/T9lDplG0DWI/AAAAAAAASJc/pCEJwWLF8H4/s320/P1110396.jpg" width="252" /></a></div>
My friend Jessie threw me a baby shower. It was so sweet of her to do. I didn't find out until I was loading up my trunk with gifts leaving that it was her birthday. Very sweet of her. <div>
As you can see in the top picture, one of my good friends was 9 months pregnant (gave birth 2 days later). Honestly it was a little weird not being pregnant for a baby shower. I guess we celebrate fat tummies a bit at baby showers. But, it was fun to have supportive friends help me celebrate our little one. This is all making it so real and exciting!</div>
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My entire nursery is set up. I'm ready to go. I just want to be ready just in case. If she were to go into labor tomorrow I'd be crazed just trying to pack and get to Utah. No time for last minute baby prep. I hope hope hope that all goes as planned and we are there for the delivery. </div>
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Counting down the days....<br /><br /></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-64858933153557051462012-05-16T18:48:00.002-07:002012-05-16T18:48:49.945-07:00In Memory Of....<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Today I ventured to a website I haven't been to for a while www.helpher.org which is a site to support women with Hyperemesis Graviderum in pregnancy (which is what I had). I opened the page and below is what I saw. I immediately was sobbing uncontrollably. I can't help but post this in memory of my lost baby. I feel such mixed emotions knowing that there are so many others who had to abort babies they wanted to so badly. I know that many of these women who lost their babies to hyperemesis have gone the surrogacy route. I....and we....are so grateful for surrogates who help ease our pain....just a little bit. </i></span></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic; padding-bottom: 12px; padding-left: 12px; padding-right: 12px; padding-top: 12px;">
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<strong><img alt="HG Word Awareness Day" class="floatleft" height="170" src="http://www.helpher.org/images2/home/HGWorldDay2.jpg" style="float: left;" width="170" /></strong>In Loving Memory...</h1>
<div style="color: #404e8c; font-size: 1.2em; margin-bottom: 0.8em; margin-top: 0.5em;">
We dedicate the First Annual HG World Awareness Day to the babies and moms lost to HG. The HER Foundation will not stop fighting for these babies and their mothers until an answer of why HG happens and what can be done. At the same time we want to recognize our HG sufferers who are currently enduring HG, we want you to know you are not alone and we are fighting for you and your unborn children. For those who have endured HG in the past, our fight is for you as well.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0.8em; margin-top: 0.5em;">
<br /></div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Luke</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
07/25/08</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Our angel in heaven.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Samuel Alexander Peterson</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
12/23/2006</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Samuel 12/23/2006</div>
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Casey Lee</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
February 3, 2006</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Sometimes we do not win the fight against HG. My heart aches for you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
15 may 2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
In memory of our precious baby boy. 15 May 2007</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Brooke</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
12 October 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You will always be in our hearts my little Angel xx</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Josephine Bethany Baker</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
11/02/2003</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
In memory of my daughter who went to be with the angels on 11/02/2003</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Twinks</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
09/24/08</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I love you and I'm sorry I couldn't fight hard enough.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Luke & Mira (twins)</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
March 17, 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
HG stole my twins and all my dreams away from me. I will never forget.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Brendan Christopher</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
May 22, 2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
HG may have taken you away from me, but it will not take away my love for you</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10/21/1992</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Forever gone, Never forgotten - Angel sent to Heaven due to undiagnosed HG</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
little angel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
october 12 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
love you little angel xox</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
TANA KAMACAJ</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
oct.2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
please, forgive me...</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Hope</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
May 25, 2004</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Missing you always, sweet little one.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Scarlett Juliet</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10/13/10</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm sorry, I was scared. I Love you and you were so dearly wanted.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My Sweet Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
6/15/1999</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I am so sorry, I was weak and scared..I wish I could have held on</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Gabriel Tad</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
12/04/09</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
We will always love you and never forget you our precious baby.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby Rozeboom</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
July 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
xoxoxo</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby Angel Cole</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
04/30/2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
It takes a second to say I Love You but a life time to show it. xxoo</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Clyde Stevenson Gomez Jr.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
9-11-08</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
To our little Angel. We miss you and love you R.I.P</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
*Angel*</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
13th September 2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I never held you in my arms but i will hold you in my heart forever xx</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Day babies</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
08-2008 and 06-2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I think of you two everyday, I hope I will get to hold you in Heaven.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby Moore</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
March 2003</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Forever in our hearts</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
persephone</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
17 sept 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
i love you lost to HG & deep depression your message 'go gently' x</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Un named</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
17/09/07</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You will always be my angel. Each day you are in my thoughts.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
nataya rutherford</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
4-8-2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Im sorry i couldnt fight harder for you baby,forever in my heart.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Ayden Rae Pack</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
6-12-2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Mommy & Daddy Love U & miss you! In your name we will help find cure!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Fushiko</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Feb. 2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My little phoenix, I'm sorry I could not walk through fire for you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Little One</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
02/04/2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm sorry I couldn't fight harder, forgive me, love you always x</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
bbies 2 & 4 & my twins</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
7/06, 10/09, 10/10</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
my heartaches for the each of you we love you</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby M</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
November 12, 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You were the gift I didn't know I wanted, and wish I could have kept</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Amos</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
2 Aug 210</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Found in heaven, waiting for us to come home. We love & miss you xxx</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Angel Who Holds A Piece of My Heart</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
October 1995</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Please forgive my weakness. I think about and mourn you everyday.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Gabriel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
September 13, 2002</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My precious Gabriel, I am so sorry I wasn't stronger for you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
February 28th 2006</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I wish I could have known you. Please, forgive me.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
our wee angel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
December 4th 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
we never got the chance to meet you but will always love you x x x</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
may 8 2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
you are in our hearts and a part of our souls forever.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Gavin Joseph</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10/24/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
The shooting star in my life, you lit up my world & were gone too soon</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
hope</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
02/07/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
to our precious baby. sorry i wasnt strong enough x never forgotten</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby Sarah</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
12/8/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I wish my body was strong enough. We will always love you!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Indi</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
01/03/2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Goodnight sweetheart. xox</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Pregnancy #1, #2, #3, #4 & #6</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Our special "What-If" Babies. We'd take HG again if we could keep you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
23/11/2006</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Please forgive me.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
MATEO BARRIOS</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
JULY 2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You will always be in our hearts.Love Daddy,Mommy,Destiny,and Stephany</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
30.December 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You were loved little one. Forgive me.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby M</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
December 22, 2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You were loved and will always be a part of me</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My Sweet Darling</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Dec 20, 2005</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Words cannot express my sorrow....</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Muskaan</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
12/23/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm so sorry. I could not protect you. Please forgive me.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Daniel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
05/25/2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
We love you and miss you baby Daniel!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My LiL Jelly Bean</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
January 3, 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Im sorry I wasnt stronger & didnt fight harder I think of u every nite</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Laura & Abby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
26 & 31 October 2002</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I will see you again in Heaven</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Taylor Layne</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
3-3-04</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
In loving memory of Taylor Layne, "Gone but not forgotten." 3-3-04</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
dreams</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
05/03/2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
my precious twins I lost the fight but will always meet u in my dreams</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
2000</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
i'm sorry please forgive me</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Little One</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
October 2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You were loved and wanted. HG stole you and my hopes and dreams.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Noah P</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
01/05/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
i always think of you and how you would look, i cry myself to sleep</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Melynda Scarlett Ryan</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
4/25/11</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Just know you were loved little one..till we meet again</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby O</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
09/05/2008</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I think about you often and who you would have been. R.I.P. <3</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Nov.2006</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
You will always be in my heart.oxoxoxox</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
LOVE</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
May 7, 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Please forgive me, I will always love you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
5/4/2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
meet you in heaven!!! Love you</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Sophia Rose</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
4/1/2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Your are in my heart forever, I think about you every moment.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Bella</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
21/3/2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I am sorry I gave up</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
"Sammi"</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
November 2004</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Wish we had a chance to actually meet...One day we will....</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Buggie</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
5/10/00</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Be blessed my baby, your brothers needed me here... Love you forever</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Little Angel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
March 17, 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Please forgive me, I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. Love Mom.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Our twins</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
1st August 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm sorry I couldn't keep going for you. Forever in our hearts. xxx</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
20/07/2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I love you. My heart will never be the same again.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
my three Angels</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
2009,10,11</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
My darling babies. I wanted you more than anything...</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Tyler James Durbin-Mibeck</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
7/8/09</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
So sorry I didn't get you out in time! 32 weeks</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Simone Rose</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
feb 2005</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Even thought I was so ill throughout, I will always have love for you.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby twin</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10/23/1997</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Im sorry I was not strong enough for you to here in our lifes,</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
8/2000, 7/2002, 4/2005</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I am sorry that I was not strong enough to keep you all. RIP!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Vincent Charles</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
2/11/10</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
lost at 20 weeks still thought of every day.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Unamed</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
August 30,2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm sorry I could not hold you both. We love and miss you dearly!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Lisa</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
17-10-2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Never in my arms, always in my heart. You should be here, forgive me.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Joshua Keown Patin</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
07/10/2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
To our baby boy...We Love and Miss You!!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
little blessing</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
11-20-2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I'm so sorry, I love you. I hope to see you one day</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Valerie Lim</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
01 June 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I am so sorry that I could not protect you. Forgive me. I've Failed.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Angel Baby</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10-4-11</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Roses are red, violets are blue sugar is sweet but not as sweet as you</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
zoe bella reardon</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
may 8, 2009</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
you are in our hearts and a part of our souls, forever.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
my angel</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
19.11.11</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
mummys so sorry i failed you my heart is broken</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-b" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-b2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Grandson-Lil Gage</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
July, 7, 2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Forever in our hearts!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby B</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
11/22/2011</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Mommy is so sorry she was too sick to care for you. Miss you everyday.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-p" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-p2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Sprout</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
February 21, 2012</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
We love you Sprout. You will always be the baby of our dreams.</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Baby Ray</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
10/08/2010</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
I wish we could have known you!</div>
</div>
<div class="inmemorium-c" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://www.helpher.org/images2/graphics/in-memory-c2.jpg); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0% 0%; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; float: left; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 0.86em; height: 74px; line-height: 1em; margin-bottom: 6px; margin-right: 6px; padding-bottom: 6px; padding-left: 6px; padding-right: 6px; padding-top: 32px; text-align: center; width: 192px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
Hall Babys</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
2006-2007</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 2px;">
For my 3 babies I lost to HG, I'm sorry that I couldn't fight harder</div>
</div>
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Our Butterfly Baby</div>
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2-22-09</div>
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"too beautiful for earth"</div>
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Sammy</div>
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11/2004</div>
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Missed but never forgotten</div>
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Little Bean</div>
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12.04.12</div>
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Named by your Big Sister Neve and Big Brother Alex, loved by us all. x</div>
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9 of you welcoming 1 more</div>
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1994 - 2012</div>
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Your sister Neve and Brother Alex want you all remembered together.XXX</div>
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Baby Twins</div>
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1997</div>
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In honor of our unborn Saints</div>
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</div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-51700584904178990562012-05-05T12:05:00.002-07:002012-05-05T12:05:22.936-07:00Mitt Romney's Grandchildren<br />
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Yesterday Mitt Romney had 2 grandchildren born via surrogate. I have to had the story to my blog since it is a high-profile LDS surrogacy. Here is the story according to one article:</div>
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<i><span style="color: red;">This the second time that Tagg, 42, and his wife, Jen,39, have used a surrogate. The same surrogate was used for the twins carried their youngest son Jonathan, who was born in August of 2010. Their other three children were not born via surrogacy.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: red;">On Facebook, Tagg gave even more details about the birth, confirming that the twins are his biological children. “Jen and I are happy to announce the birth of twin boys, David Mitt and William Ryder,” he wrote. “Everyone is healthy and happy. They weighed in at 5 lbs 13 oz and 19-3/4 inches and 6 lbs. 13 oz and 19 inches. A special thanks to our gestational surrogate who made this possible for us. Life truly is a miracle, and we feel so blessed to be able to celebrate the arrival of these precious boys into our family. For those keeping score at home, these are grandchildren numbers 17 and 18 for my parents.”</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: red;">According to the official handbook of the Church of Latter Day Saints, to which the Romney’s are members, surrogacy is not encouraged. “The Church strongly discourages surrogate motherhood,” the handbook reads.</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: red;">A Romney aide, when asked about the church’s view on the procedure, said that Tagg had made the bishops at his church aware of his family’s plans.</span></i></div>
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My personal feelings on it? I'm excited to see another LDS family doing surrogacy. We have no idea why they did it. I'm going to assume they did it for reasons similar to mine since they already have children that they already gave birth to. </div>
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When I read the article I wonder if there is going to be a huge increase in LDS people doing surrogacy now because of this high-profile case. I'm glad that whoever wrote the article did their homework and accurately reported that it is discouraged by the church. I would be afraid that everyone would think of it as an every-day good idea and go for it.</div>
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I consider myself very lucky. I have a perfect surrogate. We have a great friendship and relationship of trust. Yes, we have a legal contract which tells us what we "must" do (and I'm glad we have our contract), but honestly, we don't follow it very strictly. We have both been giving and taking as far as finances go to both mine and Vanessa's advantages at times. We can do that because of our trusting relationship. But even with girl who I'd chosen as my former surrogate, I know I never could have had that sort of relationship with her. A surrogacy relationship like ours is truely one in a hundred million. If I were to decide I wanted to have another child by surrogacy I would not even bother trying to find another surrogate. I know I could never find anyone like Vanessa (now it would be different if a friend or family memeber wanted to volunteer-- then it could probably be as good). Finding a complete stranger and making it work in such a smooth way is next to impossible. I can see the potential problems that would arise and therefore I can see why the church would discourage it. </div>
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I'm so happy for the Romney family. And I'm so happy for my family!<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS6qlo9NOmo8JTH3JY1M0_WSX5SndS48l6gHSULiap18AOi8jw" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-36972807240445215332012-03-24T20:46:00.001-07:002012-05-08T16:08:46.512-07:00Silent Disapproval<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--7kqlaQnfeA/T26Ls3phW6I/AAAAAAAAQXk/VHhw3o8WOL8/s1600/P1100320+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--7kqlaQnfeA/T26Ls3phW6I/AAAAAAAAQXk/VHhw3o8WOL8/s320/P1100320+-+Copy.JPG" width="240" /></a>First, I have to post some pictures of my sweet daughters. Today was one of those days where I feel like we are "living deep, and sucking all the marrow out of life". But the joy I have in watching my children is topped off by the fact that I know that these sweet moments of early childhood are not slipping away. I have another one on the way! I get this little rush whenever I think about it. It still doesn't seem like it is very real. I guess when you have your big pregnant belly and someone kicking you all of the time it helps you get used to the fact that they truly will be entering life. I feel like I have to keep reminding myself. </div>
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Changing subjects: Silent disapproval. Vanessa and I have talked a few times about the different reactions that we get from people about this situation. Vanessa says she never gets anything but very positive responses. I get probably 70% positive responses and 30% silent disapproval. By this I mean that I tell them the 1-line version that I'm expecting a baby by a surrogate and I get 1 of 2 responses: </div>
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1. Either people become very inquizative about how/why/etc and generally seem either happy for me or interested in the strange subject.. or, </div>
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2. They change divert their eyes very quickly and tactfully they change the subject. </div>
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There has only been 2 people I can think of who came out and told me that what I was doing was wrong.</div>
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Honestly, I don't mind the silent disapproval. Almost 100% of strangers who I meet and tell about my surrogacy fit into the silent disapproval category. But can I really blame them? They know nothing about me or my situation. I just look like a selfish rich person who doesn't want to get stretch marks right? They just don't bother asking any details that might help them see my point of view, and I'm certainly not going to force the information on them when they are clearly uncomfortable with the topic. Elderly people especially I've found can't comprehend surrogacy. I've even had those who don't truly believe that the baby within Vanessa could be mine. And I've learned quickly that if their are uneducated on the subject, it is futile to try to explain it to them.</div>
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I'm not surprised a bit that Vanessa gets only positive responses while I get mixed responses. Vanessa is on the service end of this situation so people will see her as doing something wonderful. But I'm on the greedy/needy end of this so unless you understand the situation, people will not always see it as positive.</div>
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Vanessa and I have both expressed our views on surrogacy and where we stand as far as the church's position goes. I decided to use my favorite friend Google to see what other LDS opinions on the subject were. I found a website which was apparently supposed to be stories and such to be used as supplements to Relief Society Lessons. As one of the stories this site publisher used a story about a couple receiving personal revelation that they were to participate in a surrogacy (although the church discourages against it). There were tons of comments from readers on this posting. People seemed outraged that she would suggest using such a story in a Relief Society Lesson. The publisher clearly saw the situation of surrogacy as I see it: ok in some small situations. But the commentators saw it as preaching that you can go against church policy as long as you have "personal revelation" saying that you can.</div>
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For me, I see it from both points of view. I think that since surrogacy is not 100% forbidden, there are some circumstances where it is ok. But I also do not believe that such a topic should be used during a relief society lesson. It it way too un-black-and-white of a subject to be using as an example. Best left alone.</div>
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I found it interesting that the publisher of this article refuted the negative comments by talking about the "tons" of LDS bloggers who describe their surrogacy experiences and agree with her. Tons must equal 3. This blog, Vanessa's, and Mormonsurrogate.com . Glad to know that I"m 1/3 of "tons".</div>
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<br /></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-73807438528533787032012-03-21T18:22:00.001-07:002012-03-21T18:23:32.063-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nAGDpSTo-Wg/T2p99rQrzQI/AAAAAAAAQLk/hab-Ga5yY3Q/s1600/P1100186.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nAGDpSTo-Wg/T2p99rQrzQI/AAAAAAAAQLk/hab-Ga5yY3Q/s320/P1100186.JPG" width="320" /></a> I've most definitely seen better ultrasound pictures before, but hey-- I won't complain. Grateful my baby boy is healthy and has all of his appendages </div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7wu_NwZpMB0/T2p9vgim8wI/AAAAAAAAQLI/5oKUkGea2RE/s1600/P1100251%2B-%2BCopy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7wu_NwZpMB0/T2p9vgim8wI/AAAAAAAAQLI/5oKUkGea2RE/s400/P1100251%2B-%2BCopy.JPG" width="400" /></a><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--M96V_qp5Ew/T2p9wIrMVfI/AAAAAAAAQLU/tXLVxMA3Drg/s1600/P1100189.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--M96V_qp5Ew/T2p9wIrMVfI/AAAAAAAAQLU/tXLVxMA3Drg/s400/P1100189.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>2 Cute little ladies so excited about their baby brother in Vanessa's tummy. L has offered to give her baby brother her mini-basketball. <br />
Every prayer at our house includes our baby brother. Kiera even prays for "baby Humperdink" thanks to Gramps and Grandma G. (thanks a lot guys).<br />
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We are back in Illinois now. No more seeing baby grow in person until July when we go back. I couldn't be more excited for July. Everything else happening in life is overshadowed by July. Counting down the days.Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-24954840974942593402012-03-12T22:34:00.001-07:002012-03-12T22:34:38.387-07:00<div style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d9ZCbnbEMM0/T17cbRoZG0I/AAAAAAAAP6g/2omdu_Fa7P0/s1600/P1100181.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d9ZCbnbEMM0/T17cbRoZG0I/AAAAAAAAP6g/2omdu_Fa7P0/s400/P1100181.JPG" /></a> </div><div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-8803724413445053072012-03-12T22:27:00.001-07:002012-03-12T22:28:04.861-07:00My Voice<div style="margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8r2ymdpH-SU/T17a400iT-I/AAAAAAAAP6U/9LDyU-j4i3s/s1600/P1100169.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8r2ymdpH-SU/T17a400iT-I/AAAAAAAAP6U/9LDyU-j4i3s/s400/P1100169.JPG" /></a> With much difficultly, I got 1 picture up.<br />
Fun picture eh?<br />
Today Vanessa and her kids came and hung out with me and my kids. We are great friends. I love it. <br />
It was fun to see my kids talk about our baby "cooking" in Vanessa tummy. <br />
Today she asked me about if I would want to record my voice and have her play my voice to our baby every day. She was concerned of course that it might be hard or me knowing that the baby would grow to to love her voice and not mine. It was very sweet of her to think of that and to offer. Yes, I've thought about that. And yes, in a way it is sad that baby won't know my voice or recogize my smell. It is sad that I'll never be able to nurse this baby (I think that is probably the hardest part), but that would be absolutely rediculous of me to dwell on these things. We are having a healthy baby in just 4 months! Who cares about if he will recognize my voice. I will be a stranger to him, but I know he will quickly recognize my love and know that I will always be the one caring for him.<br />
Vanessa said she is still willing to play my voice to baby for 2 hours a day. But truely, baby will still be hearing her voice 12 hours a day, plus it would be a lot of effort. So I told her not to worry about it. But she is sweet to offer to do such a thing.</div><div style='clear:both; text-align:CENTER'><a href='http://picasa.google.com/blogger/' target='ext'><img src='http://photos1.blogger.com/pbp.gif' alt='Posted by Picasa' style='border: 0px none ; padding: 0px; background: transparent none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: initial; -moz-background-origin: initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: initial;' align='middle' border='0' /></a></div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-52264135353440569702012-03-09T09:37:00.000-08:002012-03-09T09:37:13.472-08:00Pink or Blue???......What a highly anticipated day! First of all, it was so fun to see Vanessa and her pregnant belly in person. I haven't seen her at all since she has been pregnant. I'm infatuated with her bump : )<br />
I picked up Vanessa and we headed to Provo for the ultrasound. It was so fun to just know I was so close to my unborn child (instead of hundreds of miles away). S. had to stay in Illinois and work so I decided to make sure that it was well photographed/videoed for his behalf so I asked my sister to come along as photographer only. (she did a great being in a photographer-only role).<br />
Our ultrasound tech was awesome. She took a few extra pictures and spent some time with us. Baby is healthy and perfect size. But more importantly, our baby is very obviously a <b>boy</b>!!! It was so much fun and such an emotional moment. I felt like I was in a daze much comparable to the daze I was in while in the sealing room on my wedding day. What a dream come true!!! S. and I have wanted a boy so much...I just can't believe it is actually going to happen!. <br />
I have to say that it was a little different being the one sitting next to the ultrasound table. But I felt an odd sence of ownership of that bump from the first time I saw it. Sortof hard to put to words the feelings that I had on a day like that. Vanessa mentioned as we were leaving that her cheeks hurt from smiling. As I was driving away from the clinic and calling people I realized that I was starting to suffer from the same problem-- my cheeks hurt! <br />
What a perfectly beautiful day. I wish S could have been here to share it with me in person, but I know how much it means to him. When I told him and he was silent for a few seconds I knew what his face must have looked like. Overcome. What a miricle this all is.<br />
After a few unsucessful attempts to blog last night (computer trouble) I ended up checking out baby boy clothes online. So much fun!<br />
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I could not get blogger to upload pictures, so here is a link to them. I'll try again later.<br />
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https://picasaweb.google.com/112377440512013102688/March92012?locked=true#Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-91038611153432424682012-02-28T12:32:00.000-08:002012-02-28T12:32:33.343-08:00Telling the kids (beware of long video)Yesterday I read Lydia the scripture story about Enos. I told her that just like Enos, when we pray with faith, Heavenly Father will answer our prayers. She asked "and so we can get a baby in our family?!" I said yes. Then she asked "but mom, HOW does he get a baby for us???". I couldn't give her an answer that she wanted. She just kept asking, and I had to change the subject because I couldn't give her an answer that satisfied her.<br />
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Last night for Family Home Evening we told her our kids about the baby. I was so excited to tell them. We videoed it. Steve taught a short and very awkward lesson on pre-earth life and then told them (I'm guessing he was very awkward because he knew he was being filmed). Anyway, it is 7 minutes long, but here it is.<br />
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The best though was after we were done with FHE. We decided to have a special family prayer to thank Heavenly Father for answering our prayers. Kiera was asked to say the prayer. The prayer was at least 3 minutes long (super long for a 5 year old!) and it was so very sweet and sincere. Thanking Heavenly father for answering our prayers of faith. She told Heavenly Father how very excited she was to be a big sister again and she told him she will be the best big sister ever. I was wishing I was filming the prayer and just then S. nudged me and motioned that he wanted the camera, so I grabbed it off of the chair behind me and turned it on. Caught the last portion of it (with Kiera opening her eyes and aware she is being filmed) But it is still cute.<br />
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It is so fun to share our excitement as a family now!Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-54784745196168847512012-02-02T19:02:00.000-08:002012-02-02T19:49:10.846-08:00Baby moves and some thoughtsI called Vanessa today and asked her if she had felt our baby move. She said she was fairly sure that she has felt it move twice. Of course, she is at that stage where it could have been just the bubbles of digestion, but she thinks it was our baby. This made my day!! <br />
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S and I have some old friends who's children matched up perfectly with our children. They were are good friends and Disneyland buddies. I saw on facebook 2 days ago that they are expecting baby #4. When I read that I immediately had that surge of pain in my heart that only someone experiencing infertility can relate to. They are on #4 and we only have 2. It was probably 5 whole seconds before I remembered that we are expecting too! Pain erased. What a relief. Not only that, but once again we are only due a few weeks appart. I heart Vanessa!!<br />
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Vanessa and I discussed the vague possibility of her doing this again for us in the future. This is such a positive experience for us thus far. But we know that a lot can happen in the next 2 years and there are many variables to get in the way. So we'll see what the future brings and cross that bridge when we come to it. <br />
I've thought about if I would ever do this again via another surrogate. I'm fairly certain that the answer is no. Unless another perfect surrogate found us somehow. But I'm done with the terribly difficult quest to find that perfect someone. <br />
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Lastly, in case anyone out there who is reading is looking for a surrogate themselves, I want to share a thought: don't ask your friends/family. We did absolutely everything to try to find that perfect surrogate. We started with sending emails and facebook messages to absolutely everyone from our past and even distant past asking them if they knew anyone who would be willing to be a surrogate. I feel like that was fine. It was no pressure/guilt on anyone. We had a relative who suggested she might be willing to do it but wasn't ready quite yet. A year and a half later as we were becoming desperate I decided to call her and ask her about how she was feeling about it at that point. Although the conversation was smooth and positive (she still wasn't ready....possibly later), I wish I would not have asked her. <br />
Also, after recently moving to our new home we had decided that we would not tell anyone out here of our surrogacy attempts. But I had 1 friend who had told me she was done with her family and I knew could use some extra cash who seemed perfect. I struggled with if I should ask her and I decided to do it. I asked in a very "only-do-this-if-you-really-want-to-please-don't-feel-pressured" type of way. She struggled with it for a while because of course being my friend she didn't want to tell me no. But she ended up saying no which was perfectly fine. But now I feel guilty because I think I have caused her guilt. Thankfully, I have a pregnancy now which can greatly decrease both of our guilt. But what if that had not been the outcome? So in summary, if I could do it again I would never directly ask anyone (family or friends). If it is a mass question it is guilt free. People don't even have to respond. I hope someone out there can learn from my mistakes. <br />
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So excited to be 16 weeks pregnant!!!Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-74583717263910629102012-01-12T16:50:00.000-08:002012-01-12T16:50:23.419-08:00A child's prayerI have to say that I love love love looking at pictures of Vanessa's fat belly and our ultrasound picture on her blog. I'm willing to bet that I'll be on her blog more than anyone else : )<br />
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My little Kiera (5) said the prayer at dinner last night. "...and Heavenly Father, please please PLEASE <b>PLEASE<i></i></b> help us to get a baby in our family. Give that baby to the doctor so he can put it in Vanessa's tummy and she can drive for a long drive in the car to Illinois and give that baby to us....." <br />
I explained the process or surrogacy to Kiera back before the transfer and have not mentioned a word about it since. She remembers. We are waiting to tell her until we are further along... it is just too long to wait for muchkins. <br />
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Vanessa is wrong about one thing in her blog post. She said she imagined that this pregnancy is probably taking forever for S. and myself. Not so. We always comment to each other on how crazy fast it is all going. One must understand our background though: We've waited for 2 years to get this pregnancy...that is a lot of hard waiting. It is a line that never moves.... this is <i>easy</i> waiting because we are at least moving forward! Also, the biggest factor making this pregnancy speed by is the fact every day of my pregnancies felt like a week (very literally). Some days I was bad enough I wanted to die. And I'm not saying that for some sort of dramatic blog affect. I really did-- I was hospitalized on suicide watch. I don't exaggerate a bit when I say that it felt like my first pregnancy lasted about 5 years (my second maybe 3). This pregnancy is flying by. Baby will be here before we know it!<br />
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We are so very excited! I'm so excited to go and touch Vanessa's pregnant belly; to see him/her move on an ultrasound and know a gender. This is all a miracle and such a dream come true.Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-17517407413502056272012-01-07T11:26:00.000-08:002012-01-07T11:26:18.470-08:00Cute pregnant lady.<img src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/398490_2994148893784_1264036532_3202942_502886166_n.jpg" /> <br />
Cute picture hu? you'd never know she was pregnant. She says she's at that awkward stage where she is a bit fat but not looking pregnant yet. We've entered the 2nd trimester!!! <br />
I stole this picture of her off of facebook and reposted it. I feel like I'm stalking her....Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-16371743082288057212012-01-02T19:39:00.000-08:002012-01-02T19:39:27.267-08:00The pictures ideaI had a thought a few days ago. Pictures to document this journey. What is the "norm" on taking pictures with a surrogate? I feel after my journey through the surrogacy world thus far that the normal way of doing things is that surrogate and intended parents have a very business like relationship. Vanessa and I are far closer than that. I would love to have pictures to document this journey forever. Professional pictures though? Do people do that? should we do that? Is that cheesy?<br />
I go to Google to answer all of life's questions (Well, those questions that are not answered through prayer- either Google or prayer right?) These were the only pictures that google had of intended parents and surrogates together during pregnancy.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MiTQZjfMxUU/TwJz9849uuI/AAAAAAAAPSM/QvoywKAeSlE/s1600/IFsSM1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MiTQZjfMxUU/TwJz9849uuI/AAAAAAAAPSM/QvoywKAeSlE/s320/IFsSM1.jpg" width="201" /></a>Icky and terribly cheesy!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WnQ45PCcQbM/TwJz-NjTOII/AAAAAAAAPSQ/wu4-RUsXgxQ/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-WnQ45PCcQbM/TwJz-NjTOII/AAAAAAAAPSQ/wu4-RUsXgxQ/s1600/images.jpg" /></a>Ok I guess, but not very personal. Does not capture the miracle that surrogacy is. Does not capture love.</div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8On1iBv66UE/TwJz-pXuLZI/AAAAAAAAPSk/CdFU8rPm_aU/s1600/images+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8On1iBv66UE/TwJz-pXuLZI/AAAAAAAAPSk/CdFU8rPm_aU/s1600/images+%25281%2529.jpg" /></a>Obviously this is a picture of a woman in India. Indian Surrogates are very common. From what I know, intended parents only get to meet the surrogate twice and don't have a relationship with her. Lack of faces in this picture might have been mandatory for cultural or privacy reasons, but it sure is impersonal.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lPRkLns38JA/TwJz-utueWI/AAAAAAAAPSs/6FkXf3z4Kvk/s1600/images+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lPRkLns38JA/TwJz-utueWI/AAAAAAAAPSs/6FkXf3z4Kvk/s1600/images+%25282%2529.jpg" /></a>This picture is probably just an advertisement. My guess is that this is not truly a surrogate and intended mother. It is, however, a cute/happy picture.</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3yKB62EYHO8/TwJz_yNYohI/AAAAAAAAPS0/BcNPAcyi57Q/s1600/img_32391.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3yKB62EYHO8/TwJz_yNYohI/AAAAAAAAPS0/BcNPAcyi57Q/s320/img_32391.jpg" width="320" /></a>I had to include this although this is off subject. I just have to say that I am so excited for this moment in our lives!!! </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SgVlrVzshuU/TwJ0ASrosqI/AAAAAAAAPS8/zLIlr5ZyBE8/s1600/infertility-51-surrogate.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SgVlrVzshuU/TwJ0ASrosqI/AAAAAAAAPS8/zLIlr5ZyBE8/s320/infertility-51-surrogate.jpg" width="264" /></a>Holy cold. And it makes the intended mother look so selfish. "don't want to ruin my perfect body. Her body is meant for pumping out babies-- my body is made to be perfect"</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5M7w8MLz4FA/TwJ0Ar7HsyI/AAAAAAAAPTE/3qfXcn9JZaM/s1600/Surrogacy_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5M7w8MLz4FA/TwJ0Ar7HsyI/AAAAAAAAPTE/3qfXcn9JZaM/s320/Surrogacy_2.jpg" width="320" /></a>Cute picture. Again, I'm thinking this is not an actual surrogate and intended mother. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4GjuAN2JpFY/TwJ0AtsubMI/AAAAAAAAPTM/OPognEsyTiU/s1600/webmd_rf_photo_of_couple_with_surrogate_mother.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="217" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4GjuAN2JpFY/TwJ0AtsubMI/AAAAAAAAPTM/OPognEsyTiU/s320/webmd_rf_photo_of_couple_with_surrogate_mother.jpg" width="320" /></a>Seems like a very cold and selfish looking picture. "we'll just sit here looking pretty while you grow our baby. Let us know when you are done!"</div><br />
Can you believe that that is the extent of pictures on the internet? I talked to Vanessa tonight and we decided we'll get some professional pictures taken. Nothing cheesy, just sentimental and something to remember this wonderful journey by. If you have any good ideas for us, let us know!Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-61254359565516517902012-01-01T20:06:00.000-08:002012-01-01T20:06:18.217-08:00Best gift ever<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fjq84xaWVGE/TwEm4CK0NfI/AAAAAAAAPSA/Nl05VkRrn-0/s1600/P1090805.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fjq84xaWVGE/TwEm4CK0NfI/AAAAAAAAPSA/Nl05VkRrn-0/s320/P1090805.JPG" width="320" /></a>Vanessa gave me the best Christmas gift ever. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I won't get too specific about the $ situation of our surrogacy in case Vanessa (or Clark) cares. So lets just say I owe them varying amounts of money for different things at different times of the month. Vanessa called me a week before Christmas and 1 day before I owed her a chunk of change. She told me to not send the money to her, and instead to use that money for Christmas for my family. She also told me to eliminate one of the other payments I owed her in the future and to use the money instead to come out to Utah for the 20-week formal ultrasound. (I accepted the elimination of the 1 payment, but not both). I could not believe it. What a great gift! I've being going back and forth on going to Utah for the ultrasound. I've absolutely wanted to go. But I couldn't justify it when we are so tight with money right now. It is hard not being a part of the pregnancy and having it be so far away from me (but not as hard as other things-- I'm not complaining). I <i>really </i>want to go out for the ultrasound...and now I can and I will. I'm so excited! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">In contrast to her wonderful gift to me, I got her a custom made maternity shirt. I bought it back when we were having triplets. Therefore it will be way too big for her. It mentions on the shirt that she is carrying surrogate triplets. So yep, now it is a too-big and an factually incorrect shirt. I'm sure Vanessa would post about it, but she probably doesn't want to embarrass me, so I'll go ahead and embarrass myself. But, I have some great gift ideas for the future with which to redeem myself. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Almost down to 200 days!!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">PS-- I have to put a plug in for Clark (Vanessa's husband). He has started hosting a show on Mitt Romney Radio. I think it is pretty awesome. <a href="http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mittromneyradio/2011/12/31/mitt-romney-radio--clark-amundson--123011">http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mittromneyradio/2011/12/31/mitt-romney-radio--clark-amundson--123011</a> Fridays 9pm EST </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-4635698416258264092011-12-20T12:12:00.000-08:002011-12-20T12:12:35.657-08:00nothing momentous....I guess this is the part where my blog gets boring for the next 6 months or so. All of the exciting major events happen at the beginning and the end. Now we just hurry up at wait (at least I do-- Vanessa is a bit more involved). So I guess I'll be digging for things to write about.<br />
At this point I still have not told my 2 daughters. I'm already glad that I didn't tell them we were having triplets. I think I'll wait a few more months to tell them just because July is forever away to a 3 and 5 year old. But they pray every single day "and please help us to get a new baby in our family".<br />
Thus far, my ward here has been very positive about the idea of surrogacy. But I've only really announced it to my friends (the young crowd) and I told my bishop in a temple-recommend interview. I'm waiting for the news to spread itself and I'm 100% prepared for any negative reactions. At this point, after all we've been through I don't think a hundred negative reactions would change anything about how I feel about it. I know that S. and I chose to do the right thing for our family and that we got our own spiritual confirmation. The Lord knows the intents of our hearts. He knows we are trying to perpetuate our family to follow his plan. I don't feel like we are doing this for selfish reasons. I feel like we are not messing with the boundries of families because the baby is 100% ours. <br />
On a side note, I can't remember if I've ever blogged this fact or not, so I might as well say it now. Once upon a time we asked our bishop if a surrogate baby would be born under the covenant. He didn't know so he took it to the Stake President...who took it to the temple president...who took it to some member of the 1st presidency.... The answer that we got back from the bishop via the first presidency was that the baby would be born under the covenant and would not need to be sealed to us. It makes me wonder what they would say about a traditional surrogate baby. (I'll never know and that's ok I guess). The fact that our baby is going to be sealed to us from the moment of birth just confirms to me once again that what we are doing is not wrong. We are doing surrogacy the one and only right way. <br />
I think about Vanessa and baby constantly and pray for them just as much.....and check her blog almost as much : )Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-90004145947279703422011-12-16T13:41:00.000-08:002011-12-16T13:41:29.479-08:00Tied upThis is a little personal, but I guess this entire blog is, so what the heck...<br />
Today I went and got my tubes tied (permanent birth control) I had to be there at 6am and the hospital is nearly 2 hours away so my entire family woke up at 4am and drove through the cold darkness to get there. We could have got a hotel room or a babysitter to make it easier, but we are on a tight budget. <br />
I had a lot of time to think on the way there. Lots of memories came back to me of when I had the abortion. Ironically, Vanessa is 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow which is exactly where I was in my pregnancy when I was forced to abort. I've waiting a long time to get this done and even this morning I was hesitating. When you get something like this done the doctor asks "now are you 100% sure you don't ever want more children?" No! absolutely no. I definitely do want children. It is such a hard thing for me because I want to have more children more than anything else right now.... but pregnancy is just too difficult and dangerous. Throughout this entire process over the past 2 years I've kept going back to the idea of pregnancy for me again. But I don't have to think about it very long before I remember why I can NEVER do it again. Even still, I was quite emotional as I drove to the hospital and I looked at my beautiful sleeping girls in the back seat and in a way I felt like I was rejecting them by getting my tubes tied. <br />
Once at the hospital, my little family came in to see me to my room. All of the medical personnel commented on my darling girls. I felt a great need to let them know that I wasn't getting my tubal ligation because I didn't want more children. I just needed them to understand for some reason. So I told them about our surrogate and baby. Everyone's first question was "where did you find your surrogate?" I told them "Craigslist" and braced myself for that all-knowing oh-dear-I-hope-she-doesn't-scam-you look on their face that they tried to mask with a fakely enthusiastic "great!" I tried to tell them how wonderful she is in 2 sentences, But of course that cannot be done. I even got choked up as I told one of the nurses about my angel surrogate Vanessa. Anyone who has read her blog can agree with me, but even then you don't quite understand how wonderful she is. I love that girl. <br />
This afternoon I was in my bed very sore, with a raspy voice trying to wake up from anesthesia. My phone which was on the bed with me rang. I thought to myself "I'm only going to answer it if it is Vanessa" It was. She is my new favorite person for sure. <br />
Today was an emotional day for me, but knowing I'll be getting 1 more in just 218 days made it much easier. Otherwise, I don't think I could have done it.Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-51600267172619218102011-12-12T19:29:00.000-08:002011-12-12T19:29:03.052-08:00What to say to someone who has experienced a loss 101<div>I think I'm handling this loss a bit better than Vanessa at this point. S and I have always been a bit cautious about getting our hopes up too high because of our many disappointments in the past. As I said in a blog before, when they first told me we had triplets my first thoughts were that I was likely to loose some if not all. So I don't think it came as quite of a shock to me as it did to Vanessa.</div><div><br />
</div>I write this more for Vanessa's benefit than for my own. I have experienced quite a bit of loss. Every time I do I get all sorts of reactions and things said by people that are both good and bad. Those who say/do the right things can help. Those who say/do the wrong things can add salt to fresh wounds. Vanessa is having a hard time with this loss and people already are not making it easier. So, please take a moment to read and learn about how to be helpful/supportive with anyone who has experienced a loss.<div><br />
</div><div>1. Acknowledge their loss. If you hear about it from another source (friend, internet) don't just ignore the subject. It might make them seem like you don't care. </div><div>2. Acknowledge their loss and nothing more. Do not ask "how are you doing?" Do not say "maybe it's for the better.." do not say "he is in a better place now". Do not try to make them feel better because it won't work and many times it make them feel worse. And please don't add your opinion and words of wisdom.</div><div><br />
</div><div>Good ways to react: if you hear about it directly from the person just say "I'm so sorry, I'll be praying for you" (no opinions or trying to make it better). </div><div>If you hear about it from another source you can send a card/flowers or tell them in person "I heard about your loss. Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and I care" The key to this is making sure that your statement is not open ended with a question or anything. Then can just say "thanks" The person experiencing loss does not feel obligated to discuss it (but they can if they want in which case your job is to be a listener).</div><div>Personally, I think a phone call or showing up on someone's doorstep to discuss is not the best way to handle it. Either would make the person feel obligated to discuss it with you. </div><div><br />
</div><div>So in summary: acknowledge their loss without offering any opinions or asking them any questions. Just let them know you care...period. </div><div><br />
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</div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-38444624207793276312011-12-09T18:50:00.000-08:002011-12-09T18:50:22.172-08:00wow..........wow.This is a hard blog to write. I've been thinking about it for a while but I guess there is nothing to do but start typing...<br />
Today is week 8. Vanessa had an ultrasound today. My Dr called me to tell me the result. He told me right off of the bat that the results were "very abnormal" and "both good and bad". First of all, one of our triplets split. Identical twins.....yes that makes 4 total babies. But the identical twins had no heartbeat and neither did 1 of the others. So we are down to 1. So we found out that we lost 3 today.<br />
It is hard to know how to express my feelings at this point. I morn the losses of those babies. S and I had definitely got used to the idea of triplets in this past week and we've been talking about it non-stop. We were mentally prepared for 3 additions to the family and we've had tons of fun announcing it to everyone. <br />
Our doctor pointed out the fact that pregnancies with identical twins are very dangerous and that it is likely that the entire pregnancy would have been a failure if the identicals would have lasted a while longer. So in a way it was a blessing that they miscarried really early. He also pointed out that now we have 1 healthy baby and a low-risk pregnancy. This is the silver lining to this very black cloud. At this point, this pregnancy is safe. Very good chances we'll have a perfectly healthy baby come July. <br />
This of course means that all of those anticipated trials (bed rest, NICU, financial bondage, etc) are gone. But that of course doesn't matter at this point. The loss is huge. This is the 3rd time we've had a loss of unborn children. Total of 4 babies. This definitely hurts..........but we will move on and rejoice in our baby nestled safely within Vanessa. <br />
Now we get to un-announce our triplets. I don't like this part at all. Telling people about such a personal loss is never easy.Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8149794583952467275.post-70738490952232223592011-12-04T19:11:00.001-08:002011-12-04T19:11:56.374-08:00Perspective<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Life has been different ever since 2 days ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">S and I were on the phone with the medical assistant at the clinic as the ultrasound was being performed. We were visiting family at the time and we were in our room with the door locked (so the kids wouldn't come in). Within 10 seconds they told us that there were 3 sacs. Honestly I felt like they just told me that there was a 50% chance that the entire pregnancy would be lost. I know about triplets and the high risks and considering how small Vanessa is it just seemed like it was doomed to failure. Honestly there wasn't a drop of happiness in the news. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Here are some of the gloomy statistics on the subject: <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 45.0pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> 90% of triplets ended up having an extended stay in NICU<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 45.0pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> We will be 60 X more likely to have one of our babies die in the 1st month of life than a singleton. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 45.0pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> Pretty much 100% chance of c-section <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: 45.0pt; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;"><!--[if !supportLists]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"> likely to have extended bed rest and hospitalizations for Vanessa<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">There are TONS of reasons to worry as there are so many things that can go wrong at this point. S and I stayed in that locked room for a good 40 minutes getting used to the idea.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">As anyone who has read Vanessa's blog post can tell, she was not focused on this at all. She is quite happy and feels at peace with it all. All of my concerns are valid. But as Vanessa talked to me a few minutes after the ultrasound she said something that changed my attitude towards it all. I realize now that what is done is done. She is pregnant with triplets. The risks are going to be there whether we worry ourselves grey or not so we might as well celebrate and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">So as of now I am genuinely excited about this pregnancy. In fact, I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve barely been able to sleep for the past 2 nights. Our little lives have just changed forever with this new knowledge. Honestly, I would LOVE to have 3 healthy babies. Yes, it will be absolutely crazy busy but how lucky would that be to complete my family in one shot? I have lots of family and friends who have already spoken up as being willing to help. And, eventually when this is all said and done we theoretically have $ again and will be able to pay for a mother-helper to help out. It seem like a much better use of $ than living in a fancy house or having my hair cut and colored every six weeks. We will be fine as long as we have an extra set of adult hands helping out. And how much fun it will be when they get a little older! Triplets! 2 cute boys to be little buddies and watch football with daddy; and a girl to tag along with 2 bigger adoring sisters. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">As anyone who reads Vanessa’s blog can tell, she is a intended parent’s dream-come-true. Today in Relief Society in the ward I was visiting we talked about Angels and how we as RS sisters can be angels. All I could think about was Vanessa and how much of an angel she is. And I’ll put a little plug in for Clark too for being so supportive (let’s face it, he is going to be the single parent for a while) absolutely amazing. How on earth do you thank someone for for something like this??? I don’t think I could find another surrogate like Vanessa if I searched for the next 10 years. Infact, I feel sorry for anyone reading this blog who is looking for a surrogate. Vanessa is one in a billion. Steve and I are just feeling so blessed right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">On a different subject, I want to mention something for any potential intended parents in case it helps them in some way. We made our decision to transfer 3 embryos based on our doctor’s recommendation and also based on the statistics that he gave us. He told us that for embryos that had been through genetic testing and there were 3 embryos transferred that there was a 3% chance of triplets, and a 20% chance of twins. Yesterday I was speaking with a completely different doctor who pointed out that these statistics don’t really apply to us in our situation because of the population that was being accounted for in these studies. Normally, the only people who do genetic testing are people who are quite old (like 36+) or have some severe infertility issues. These embryos are then transferred back to old uteruses that might have endometriosis or whatever else. In contract, our embryos were transferred to a very young and healthy uterus. Therefore, the statistics he gave us didn’t really apply to us. We would obviously have a higher chance of more embryos sticking than the older sicklier people. I don’t know if realizing this before would have made much of a difference in our decision or not. I think it would have, but it is hard to say that for sure. But I just wanted to point it out in case someone out there ends up in our same shoes with a life-time decision to be made in 10 minutes while your surrogate is waiting medicated on the table for the transfer to take place. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">At this point S and I are very excited. We are joining Vanessa in the optimism of this pregnancy. I completely understand that people who point out the negative and risks are just trying to warn/protect us because they care. But I can assure you that we’ve heard it all and were thoroughly warned about it before we even transferred 3 embryos. So please keep your warnings and negative stories to yourself. We will rely on the counsel of the best doctors at this point and otherwise continue hoping for best. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;"><br />
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</div>Cambrienelsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06205791634879927411noreply@blogger.com1