Today my nurse practitioner (who does all of my management) informed me that she had bad news. "I feel absolutely sick having to tell you this. I just can't believe it......" Meanwhile I'm bracing myself for the worst. The NP informed me that someone in the lab threw away S's frozen sperm (frozen about 6 months ago from attempt 2).
When she told me this there was a huge sigh of relief on my part. That is a fixable problem! ....although not cheap/easy to fix. She told me this just 2 hours after I had taken S to the airport to fly home from Utah. So, we immediately bought tickets to fly him back. It also means $1200 in FDA testing again (government mandated testing to make sure he hasn't picked up any new STD's since the last time he was tested). Thankfully, the clinic is picking up the tab on all of it. I'm just glad that this is a fixable problem!
I find out how my little eggs are doing tomorrow!!!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Attempt # 4
I almost hesitate to blog just because my postings seem to be getting a bit repetitive. But, here we go again.
So this time around we've taken a few extra steps increase our chances of this working. First of all, I had my IUD removed. It is likely (but not for sure) that it is the reason that I don't produce many eggs. Maybe we'll get a few more this time. I have maxed out on the fertility medication dosage-- they can't give me anything stronger so hopefully the IUD removal will help.
Secondly, we are going to be doing genetic testing our embryos. There are all different sorts of genetic testing, but we are testing all 24 chromosomes. We will then be given a big report of and embryo's genetic abnormalities and % chance of each one having different problems (like late-life brain cancer, Downs syndrome, etc). The reason for this is that if we pick the most genetically healthy embryos our chances of pregnancy are greatly increased (from about 45% chance to 75 % chance) and chances of miscarriage are decreased. They say that this is because a body's natural tendency is to reject pregnancies with genetic defects. The extra cost $3700. Ouch-- but worth it if it gets us a healthy baby or 2 here.
According to the genetic counselor person I spoke with, at least 55% of our embryos will have significant genetic abnormalities when doing IVF (but not normally). I can understand this since so many of them are yanked from me before they are done cooking and also some that are way over-done.
So when our embryos are about 6 cells big they will biopsy 1 cell off of each (hoping its not a limb!), mail to to California for testing, then they will send the report for us to review with our doctor and make our choice on embryos.
Also included on the genetic report is the gender of each kiddo. We will definitely be leaning towards boys, but if the girls all look healthier, we'll choose them instead. Successful pregnancy is more important than gender. But if they are all the same, it will be nice to balance out our family : )
So I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this time around. Excited and nervous (thus the 3am blog).
So this time around we've taken a few extra steps increase our chances of this working. First of all, I had my IUD removed. It is likely (but not for sure) that it is the reason that I don't produce many eggs. Maybe we'll get a few more this time. I have maxed out on the fertility medication dosage-- they can't give me anything stronger so hopefully the IUD removal will help.
Secondly, we are going to be doing genetic testing our embryos. There are all different sorts of genetic testing, but we are testing all 24 chromosomes. We will then be given a big report of and embryo's genetic abnormalities and % chance of each one having different problems (like late-life brain cancer, Downs syndrome, etc). The reason for this is that if we pick the most genetically healthy embryos our chances of pregnancy are greatly increased (from about 45% chance to 75 % chance) and chances of miscarriage are decreased. They say that this is because a body's natural tendency is to reject pregnancies with genetic defects. The extra cost $3700. Ouch-- but worth it if it gets us a healthy baby or 2 here.
According to the genetic counselor person I spoke with, at least 55% of our embryos will have significant genetic abnormalities when doing IVF (but not normally). I can understand this since so many of them are yanked from me before they are done cooking and also some that are way over-done.
So when our embryos are about 6 cells big they will biopsy 1 cell off of each (hoping its not a limb!), mail to to California for testing, then they will send the report for us to review with our doctor and make our choice on embryos.
Also included on the genetic report is the gender of each kiddo. We will definitely be leaning towards boys, but if the girls all look healthier, we'll choose them instead. Successful pregnancy is more important than gender. But if they are all the same, it will be nice to balance out our family : )
So I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this time around. Excited and nervous (thus the 3am blog).
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Feeling Deperate
Maybe I need to change the name of this blog. I don't seem to be expecting (which was the point).
I feel low right now. This past failure has been the hardest for me of all of them. All my life I've had the idea that I can get whatever I want if I just work hard enough. I've always achieved the "impossible" with a some determination and hard work. But nomatter what I do, I can't change the fact that we don't have a baby and my dream of having my children close together is being shattered. I know, I know, many say that that is not important. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here. Maybe he is trying to teach me that sometimes I just have to rely on him and nomatter how much effort I put into it, I'm still dependent on him. If that is the lesson I'm supposed to learn here then what am I supposed to do about it? Quit my job? Stop stressing? I don't know!
So we try again. But due to the fact that our clinic only does IVF every other month, we have to wait until April Advice for anyone going through IVF: never never never never NEVER use a clinic that only does cycling every other month!!!!!!! This is the 3rd time that we have to wait an extra month (or 2) because we barely meet the cut of date for their cycling.
At this point I'm feeling deserate. I'm willing to try anything or do anything to get a baby here. Adoption, a second surrogate? Try pregnancy myself.....no that is going too far.
All I can do is pray.
I feel low right now. This past failure has been the hardest for me of all of them. All my life I've had the idea that I can get whatever I want if I just work hard enough. I've always achieved the "impossible" with a some determination and hard work. But nomatter what I do, I can't change the fact that we don't have a baby and my dream of having my children close together is being shattered. I know, I know, many say that that is not important. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here. Maybe he is trying to teach me that sometimes I just have to rely on him and nomatter how much effort I put into it, I'm still dependent on him. If that is the lesson I'm supposed to learn here then what am I supposed to do about it? Quit my job? Stop stressing? I don't know!
So we try again. But due to the fact that our clinic only does IVF every other month, we have to wait until April Advice for anyone going through IVF: never never never never NEVER use a clinic that only does cycling every other month!!!!!!! This is the 3rd time that we have to wait an extra month (or 2) because we barely meet the cut of date for their cycling.
At this point I'm feeling deserate. I'm willing to try anything or do anything to get a baby here. Adoption, a second surrogate? Try pregnancy myself.....no that is going too far.
All I can do is pray.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Another failure
I'm not very happy right now.
She's not pregnant.
We'll try again ASAP.
I guess with a 30% chance it was to be expected.
She's not pregnant.
We'll try again ASAP.
I guess with a 30% chance it was to be expected.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Helplessness
At this very moment hundreds of mile away in Idaho a doctor is implanting my surrogate with our embryos.
The doctor called this morning to tell me that only 2 of the 3 embryos survived the thaw and only 1 of them was in good condition. He will transfer both. But he said odds of pregnacy were 30%. Not very good, but we'll cling to that chance.
Lots of prayers are being sent heavenward today. It is all that I can do at this point.
We'll find out if it worked on the 21st.
The doctor called this morning to tell me that only 2 of the 3 embryos survived the thaw and only 1 of them was in good condition. He will transfer both. But he said odds of pregnacy were 30%. Not very good, but we'll cling to that chance.
Lots of prayers are being sent heavenward today. It is all that I can do at this point.
We'll find out if it worked on the 21st.
Monday, January 17, 2011
1 Year ao
It was one year ago today that I was forced to abort my baby. I can't believe that I have not even achieved a pregnancy by now. Honestly I feel like I've been doing ok for most of the year (except for at first of course). People would ask me about how I was doing and I'd say I was ok and I meant it. Now however I'm having a harder time with it. All of the disappointment is getting to me. If people ask me, I still try to put on a happy face, but it isn't at all sincere.
The latest plan is that we'll transfer again the first week of february. I think my heart will break if it doesn't work this time.
The latest plan is that we'll transfer again the first week of february. I think my heart will break if it doesn't work this time.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Communication Error
It isn't so much fun to post on this blog lately. But I'll update for historical purposes.
I spoke with my doctor about starting the next transfer attempt. He said he's have his nurse get things rolling. About 3 weeks later I call the nurse and ask how things are going and what is happening. I found out that she never knew she was supposed to be doing anything so nothing was happening. Somehow the message from the doctor never got to the nurse. Now we get to wait an additional month to try again. So now the count down is until January 9th(ish).
Oh, I also made a huge blunder myself. The doctor suggested we ship my little frozen kiddos to Idaho to the other clinic where my doctor works and where Jane lives close by. So I did. Thankfully, the head embyologist himself was making the trip so he personally transported them which was a huge relief since they are very sensitive to movement, noise, temperature changes, etc.. However, a few days after they arrived I realized that I have a financial contract with this ATTAIN company that is only good if we do the transfer in Utah. I spent 2 days making phone calls and figured some ways to get all involved parties to compromise. I had to go right to the top of the companies to get the approval, but I did it! I was so nervous I was going to have to ship my embryos (and Jane) back to Utah to do it! Oops on my part!
I spoke with my doctor about starting the next transfer attempt. He said he's have his nurse get things rolling. About 3 weeks later I call the nurse and ask how things are going and what is happening. I found out that she never knew she was supposed to be doing anything so nothing was happening. Somehow the message from the doctor never got to the nurse. Now we get to wait an additional month to try again. So now the count down is until January 9th(ish).
Oh, I also made a huge blunder myself. The doctor suggested we ship my little frozen kiddos to Idaho to the other clinic where my doctor works and where Jane lives close by. So I did. Thankfully, the head embyologist himself was making the trip so he personally transported them which was a huge relief since they are very sensitive to movement, noise, temperature changes, etc.. However, a few days after they arrived I realized that I have a financial contract with this ATTAIN company that is only good if we do the transfer in Utah. I spent 2 days making phone calls and figured some ways to get all involved parties to compromise. I had to go right to the top of the companies to get the approval, but I did it! I was so nervous I was going to have to ship my embryos (and Jane) back to Utah to do it! Oops on my part!
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