Injections/bloatedness/and hyperstimulation syndrome

This is my trigger-day swollen belly. When you have 21 2-inch follicles inside of huge ovaries it makes you poof out a bit. It was quite uncomfortable actually.

This is my beautifully scarred abdomen that shows all sorts of signs of my attempts at reproduction. We have lots of bruises and marks from my 4-6 injections per day, we have my lovely stretch marks (1 per pregnancy), and we have my 2nd belly button which is where I had my feeding tube for my 2nd and 3rd pregnancies. No exactly bikini ready am I?
Oh, and I'm holding my syringes. I'd like to point out that the needle on my syringe is too big and I would have switched it to a smaller one for my subcutaneous injection in my tummy. But my poor surrogate gets those big of needles every day (intramuscular in her booty). No fun for her-- she's been doing it for MONTHS.

After the transfer I started having symptoms of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. Swollen painful abdomen, nausea, shortness of breath, etc.. This would be a concern if I was going to be the one getting pregnant this week, but since I'm not it is something is bothersome and will go away in time. My poor sister in law spent more than a week in the hospital with it with her IVF pregnancy. Just another reason to be glad I'm doing a surrogacy!!!
Lastly our 7 remaining embryos that were good quality were biopsied and are in the process of being tested.  Anxiously awaiting results!

Attempt # 4 here we go

Tomorrow will be my egg harvesting.  Last they told me I have 18 follicles this time.  yeah!!!  I personally think it was the IUD removal that made the difference.  I'm going to be glad to get this done tomorrow because those 18 little follicles (2cm each on average) feel like 2 fists in my sides.  It is very uncomfortable especially when sitting.  My ovaries must be huge and they are quite sore. I've also been really exhausted and sleepy.  But I'm glad-- this is what we wanted. 
So, ironically:  after my clinic paid for S Utah from California for more sperm and blood(since they discarded the frozen stuff on accident) they almost had to pay for another plane ticket.   They called S just as he was boarding his plane and said "we need you to come back to the clinic-- we need another vile of blood".  He asked them if they wanted to pay for a different plane ticket and they decided they didn't need the blood so badly after all.
I hope that it works this time because we can't afford to try again anytime soon.  This process is crazy expensive.  74% chance this time.  Transfer date Easter Sunday and we'll find out 10 days later if it worked.

Lab oops

Today my nurse practitioner (who does all of my management) informed me that she had bad news.  "I feel absolutely sick having to tell you this.  I just can't believe it......"   Meanwhile I'm bracing myself for the worst.  The NP informed me that someone in the lab threw away S's frozen sperm (frozen about 6 months ago from attempt 2). 

When she told me this there was a huge sigh of relief on my part.  That is a fixable problem! ....although not cheap/easy to fix.    She told me this just 2 hours after I had taken S to the airport to fly home from Utah.  So, we immediately bought tickets to fly him back.  It also means $1200 in FDA testing again (government mandated testing to make sure he hasn't picked up any new STD's since the last time he was tested).    Thankfully, the clinic is picking up the tab on all of it.  I'm just glad that this is a fixable problem!
I find out how my little eggs are doing tomorrow!!!

Attempt # 4

I almost hesitate to blog just because my postings seem to be getting a bit repetitive.  But, here we go again.
So this time around we've taken a few extra steps increase our chances of this working.  First of all, I had my IUD removed.  It is likely (but not for sure) that it is the reason that I don't produce many eggs.  Maybe we'll get a few more this time.   I have maxed out on the fertility medication dosage-- they can't give me anything stronger so hopefully the IUD removal will help.
Secondly, we are going to be doing genetic testing our embryos.  There are all different sorts of genetic testing, but we are testing all 24 chromosomes.  We will then be given a big report of and embryo's genetic abnormalities and % chance of each one having different problems (like late-life brain cancer, Downs syndrome, etc).  The reason for this is that if we pick the most genetically healthy embryos our chances of pregnancy are greatly increased (from about 45% chance to 75 % chance) and chances of miscarriage are decreased.  They say that this is because a body's natural tendency is to reject pregnancies with genetic defects.  The extra cost $3700. Ouch-- but worth it if it gets us a healthy baby or 2 here.
According to the genetic counselor person I spoke with, at least 55% of our embryos will have significant genetic abnormalities when doing IVF (but not normally).  I can understand this since so many of them are yanked from me before they are done cooking and also some that are way over-done.
So when our embryos are about 6 cells big they will biopsy 1 cell off of each (hoping its not a limb!), mail to to California for testing, then they will send the report for us to review with our doctor and make our choice on embryos. 
Also included on the genetic report is the gender of each kiddo.  We will definitely be leaning towards boys, but if the girls all look healthier, we'll choose them instead.  Successful pregnancy is more important than gender.  But if they are all the same, it will be nice to balance out our family  : )
So I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this time around.  Excited and nervous (thus the 3am blog).

Feeling Deperate

Maybe I need to change the name of this blog.  I don't seem to be expecting (which was the point). 

I feel low right now.  This past failure has been the hardest for me of all of them.  All my life I've had the idea that I can get whatever I want if I just work hard enough.  I've always achieved the "impossible" with a some determination and hard work.  But nomatter what I do, I can't change the fact that we don't have a baby and my dream of having my children close together is being shattered.  I know, I know,  many say that that is not important.  BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME. 
Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here.  Maybe he is trying to teach me that sometimes I just have to rely on him and nomatter how much effort I put into it, I'm still dependent on him.  If that is the lesson I'm supposed to learn here then what am I supposed to do about it?  Quit my job?  Stop stressing?  I don't know!
So we try again. But due to the fact that our clinic only does IVF every other month, we have to wait until April  Advice for anyone going through IVF:  never never never never NEVER use a clinic that only does cycling every other month!!!!!!!   This is the 3rd time that we have to wait an extra month (or 2) because we barely meet the cut of date for their cycling. 
At this point I'm feeling deserate.  I'm willing to try anything or do anything to get a baby here.  Adoption, a second surrogate? Try pregnancy myself.....no that is going too far. 
All I can do is pray.

Another failure

I'm not very happy right now. 
She's not pregnant.
We'll try again ASAP.
I guess with a 30% chance it was to be expected.

Helplessness

At this very moment hundreds of mile away in Idaho a doctor is implanting my surrogate with our embryos.
The doctor called this morning to tell me that only 2 of the 3 embryos survived the thaw and only 1 of them was in good condition.  He will transfer both.  But he said odds of pregnacy were 30%.  Not very good, but we'll cling to that chance. 
Lots of prayers are being sent heavenward today.  It is all that I can do at this point. 
We'll find out if it worked on the 21st.