Pink or Blue???......

What a highly anticipated day! First of all, it was so fun to see Vanessa and her pregnant belly in person. I haven't seen her at all since she has been pregnant. I'm infatuated with her bump : )
I picked up Vanessa and we headed to Provo for the ultrasound. It was so fun to just know I was so close to my unborn child (instead of hundreds of miles away). S. had to stay in Illinois and work so I decided to make sure that it was well photographed/videoed for his behalf so I asked my sister to come along as photographer only. (she did a great being in a photographer-only role).
Our ultrasound tech was awesome. She took a few extra pictures and spent some time with us. Baby is healthy and perfect size. But more importantly, our baby is very obviously a boy!!! It was so much fun and such an emotional moment. I felt like I was in a daze much comparable to the daze I was in while in the sealing room on my wedding day. What a dream come true!!! S. and I have wanted a boy so much...I just can't believe it is actually going to happen!.
I have to say that it was a little different being the one sitting next to the ultrasound table. But I felt an odd sence of ownership of that bump from the first time I saw it. Sortof hard to put to words the feelings that I had on a day like that. Vanessa mentioned as we were leaving that her cheeks hurt from smiling. As I was driving away from the clinic and calling people I realized that I was starting to suffer from the same problem-- my cheeks hurt!
What a perfectly beautiful day. I wish S could have been here to share it with me in person, but I know how much it means to him. When I told him and he was silent for a few seconds I knew what his face must have looked like. Overcome. What a miricle this all is.
After a few unsucessful attempts to blog last night (computer trouble) I ended up checking out baby boy clothes online. So much fun!

I could not get blogger to upload pictures, so here is a link to them. I'll try again later.

https://picasaweb.google.com/112377440512013102688/March92012?locked=true#

Telling the kids (beware of long video)

Yesterday I read Lydia the scripture story about Enos. I told her that just like Enos, when we pray with faith, Heavenly Father will answer our prayers. She asked "and so we can get a baby in our family?!" I said yes. Then she asked "but mom, HOW does he get a baby for us???". I couldn't give her an answer that she wanted. She just kept asking, and I had to change the subject because I couldn't give her an answer that satisfied her.

Last night for Family Home Evening we told her our kids about the baby. I was so excited to tell them. We videoed it. Steve taught a short and very awkward lesson on pre-earth life and then told them (I'm guessing he was very awkward because he knew he was being filmed). Anyway, it is 7 minutes long, but here it is.



The best though was after we were done with FHE. We decided to have a special family prayer to thank Heavenly Father for answering our prayers. Kiera was asked to say the prayer. The prayer was at least 3 minutes long (super long for a 5 year old!) and it was so very sweet and sincere. Thanking Heavenly father for answering our prayers of faith. She told Heavenly Father how very excited she was to be a big sister again and she told him she will be the best big sister ever. I was wishing I was filming the prayer and just then S. nudged me and motioned that he wanted the camera, so I grabbed it off of the chair behind me and turned it on. Caught the last portion of it (with Kiera opening her eyes and aware she is being filmed) But it is still cute.



It is so fun to share our excitement as a family now!

Baby moves and some thoughts

I called Vanessa today and asked her if she had felt our baby move. She said she was fairly sure that she has felt it move twice. Of course, she is at that stage where it could have been just the bubbles of digestion, but she thinks it was our baby. This made my day!!

S and I have some old friends who's children matched up perfectly with our children. They were are good friends and Disneyland buddies. I saw on facebook 2 days ago that they are expecting baby #4. When I read that I immediately had that surge of pain in my heart that only someone experiencing infertility can relate to. They are on #4 and we only have 2. It was probably 5 whole seconds before I remembered that we are expecting too! Pain erased. What a relief. Not only that, but once again we are only due a few weeks appart. I heart Vanessa!!

Vanessa and I discussed the vague possibility of her doing this again for us in the future. This is such a positive experience for us thus far. But we know that a lot can happen in the next 2 years and there are many variables to get in the way. So we'll see what the future brings and cross that bridge when we come to it.
I've thought about if I would ever do this again via another surrogate. I'm fairly certain that the answer is no. Unless another perfect surrogate found us somehow. But I'm done with the terribly difficult quest to find that perfect someone.

Lastly, in case anyone out there who is reading is looking for a surrogate themselves, I want to share a thought: don't ask your friends/family. We did absolutely everything to try to find that perfect surrogate. We started with sending emails and facebook messages to absolutely everyone from our past and even distant past asking them if they knew anyone who would be willing to be a surrogate. I feel like that was fine. It was no pressure/guilt on anyone. We had a relative who suggested she might be willing to do it but wasn't ready quite yet. A year and a half later as we were becoming desperate I decided to call her and ask her about how she was feeling about it at that point. Although the conversation was smooth and positive (she still wasn't ready....possibly later), I wish I would not have asked her.
Also, after recently moving to our new home we had decided that we would not tell anyone out here of our surrogacy attempts. But I had 1 friend who had told me she was done with her family and I knew could use some extra cash who seemed perfect. I struggled with if I should ask her and I decided to do it. I asked in a very "only-do-this-if-you-really-want-to-please-don't-feel-pressured" type of way. She struggled with it for a while because of course being my friend she didn't want to tell me no. But she ended up saying no which was perfectly fine. But now I feel guilty because I think I have caused her guilt. Thankfully, I have a pregnancy now which can greatly decrease both of our guilt. But what if that had not been the outcome? So in summary, if I could do it again I would never directly ask anyone (family or friends). If it is a mass question it is guilt free. People don't even have to respond. I hope someone out there can learn from my mistakes.

So excited to be 16 weeks pregnant!!!

A child's prayer

I have to say that I love love love looking at pictures of Vanessa's fat belly and our ultrasound picture on her blog. I'm willing to bet that I'll be on her blog more than anyone else : )

My little Kiera (5) said the prayer at dinner last night. "...and Heavenly Father, please please PLEASE PLEASE help us to get a baby in our family. Give that baby to the doctor so he can put it in Vanessa's tummy and she can drive for a long drive in the car to Illinois and give that baby to us....."
I explained the process or surrogacy to Kiera back before the transfer and have not mentioned a word about it since. She remembers. We are waiting to tell her until we are further along... it is just too long to wait for muchkins.

Vanessa is wrong about one thing in her blog post. She said she imagined that this pregnancy is probably taking forever for S. and myself. Not so. We always comment to each other on how crazy fast it is all going. One must understand our background though: We've waited for 2 years to get this pregnancy...that is a lot of hard waiting. It is a line that never moves.... this is easy waiting because we are at least moving forward! Also, the biggest factor making this pregnancy speed by is the fact every day of my pregnancies felt like a week (very literally). Some days I was bad enough I wanted to die. And I'm not saying that for some sort of dramatic blog affect. I really did-- I was hospitalized on suicide watch. I don't exaggerate a bit when I say that it felt like my first pregnancy lasted about 5 years (my second maybe 3). This pregnancy is flying by. Baby will be here before we know it!

We are so very excited! I'm so excited to go and touch Vanessa's pregnant belly; to see him/her move on an ultrasound and know a gender. This is all a miracle and such a dream come true.

Cute pregnant lady.

Cute picture hu? you'd never know she was pregnant. She says she's at that awkward stage where she is a bit fat but not looking pregnant yet. We've entered the 2nd trimester!!!
I stole this picture of her off of facebook and reposted it. I feel like I'm stalking her....

The pictures idea

I had a thought a few days ago. Pictures to document this journey. What is the "norm" on taking pictures with a surrogate? I feel after my journey through the surrogacy world thus far that the normal way of doing things is that surrogate and intended parents have a very business like relationship. Vanessa and I are far closer than that. I would love to have pictures to document this journey forever. Professional pictures though? Do people do that? should we do that? Is that cheesy?
 I go to Google to answer all of life's questions (Well, those questions that are not answered through prayer- either Google or prayer right?) These were the only pictures that google had of intended parents and surrogates together during pregnancy.

Icky and terribly cheesy!

Ok I guess, but not very personal.  Does not capture the miracle that surrogacy is.  Does not capture love.

Obviously this is a picture of a woman in India.  Indian Surrogates are very common.  From what I know, intended parents only get to meet the surrogate twice and don't have a relationship with her.  Lack of faces in this picture might have been mandatory for cultural or privacy reasons, but it sure is impersonal.

This picture is probably just an advertisement.  My guess is that this is not truly a surrogate and intended mother.  It is, however, a cute/happy picture.

I had to include this although this is off subject.  I just have to say that I am so excited for this moment in our lives!!!  

Holy cold.  And it makes the intended mother look so selfish.  "don't want to ruin my perfect body.  Her body is meant for pumping out babies-- my body is made to be perfect"

Cute picture.  Again, I'm thinking this is not an actual surrogate and intended mother.  

Seems like a very cold and selfish looking picture.  "we'll just sit here looking pretty while you grow our baby.  Let us know when you are done!"

Can you believe that that is the extent of pictures on the internet?  I talked to Vanessa tonight and we decided we'll get some professional pictures taken.  Nothing cheesy, just sentimental and something to remember this wonderful journey by.  If you have any good ideas for us, let us know!

Best gift ever

Vanessa gave me the best Christmas gift ever.  

I won't get too specific about the $ situation of our surrogacy in case Vanessa (or Clark) cares.  So lets just say I owe them varying amounts of money for different things at different times of the month.  Vanessa called me a week before Christmas and 1 day before I owed her a chunk of change.  She told me to not send the money to her, and instead to use that money for Christmas for my family.  She also told me to eliminate one of the other payments I owed her in the future and to use the money instead to come out  to Utah for the 20-week formal ultrasound.  (I accepted the elimination of the 1 payment, but not both).  I could not believe it.   What a great gift!  I've being going back and forth on going to Utah for the ultrasound. I've absolutely wanted to go. But I couldn't justify it when we are so tight with money right now.  It is hard not being a part of the pregnancy and having it be so far away from me (but not as hard as other things-- I'm not complaining).  I really want to go out for the ultrasound...and now I can and I will.  I'm so excited!  

In contrast to her wonderful gift to me, I got her a custom made maternity shirt.  I bought it back when we were having triplets.  Therefore it will be way too big for her.  It mentions on the shirt that she is carrying surrogate triplets. So yep, now it is a too-big and an factually incorrect shirt.  I'm sure Vanessa would post about it, but she probably doesn't want to embarrass me, so I'll go ahead and embarrass myself.  But, I have some great gift ideas for the future with which to redeem myself.  

Almost down to 200 days!!

PS-- I have to put a plug in for Clark (Vanessa's husband).  He has started hosting a show on Mitt Romney Radio.  I think it is pretty awesome.  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/mittromneyradio/2011/12/31/mitt-romney-radio--clark-amundson--123011   Fridays 9pm EST