I called Vanessa today and asked her if she had felt our baby move. She said she was fairly sure that she has felt it move twice. Of course, she is at that stage where it could have been just the bubbles of digestion, but she thinks it was our baby. This made my day!!
S and I have some old friends who's children matched up perfectly with our children. They were are good friends and Disneyland buddies. I saw on facebook 2 days ago that they are expecting baby #4. When I read that I immediately had that surge of pain in my heart that only someone experiencing infertility can relate to. They are on #4 and we only have 2. It was probably 5 whole seconds before I remembered that we are expecting too! Pain erased. What a relief. Not only that, but once again we are only due a few weeks appart. I heart Vanessa!!
Vanessa and I discussed the vague possibility of her doing this again for us in the future. This is such a positive experience for us thus far. But we know that a lot can happen in the next 2 years and there are many variables to get in the way. So we'll see what the future brings and cross that bridge when we come to it.
I've thought about if I would ever do this again via another surrogate. I'm fairly certain that the answer is no. Unless another perfect surrogate found us somehow. But I'm done with the terribly difficult quest to find that perfect someone.
Lastly, in case anyone out there who is reading is looking for a surrogate themselves, I want to share a thought: don't ask your friends/family. We did absolutely everything to try to find that perfect surrogate. We started with sending emails and facebook messages to absolutely everyone from our past and even distant past asking them if they knew anyone who would be willing to be a surrogate. I feel like that was fine. It was no pressure/guilt on anyone. We had a relative who suggested she might be willing to do it but wasn't ready quite yet. A year and a half later as we were becoming desperate I decided to call her and ask her about how she was feeling about it at that point. Although the conversation was smooth and positive (she still wasn't ready....possibly later), I wish I would not have asked her.
Also, after recently moving to our new home we had decided that we would not tell anyone out here of our surrogacy attempts. But I had 1 friend who had told me she was done with her family and I knew could use some extra cash who seemed perfect. I struggled with if I should ask her and I decided to do it. I asked in a very "only-do-this-if-you-really-want-to-please-don't-feel-pressured" type of way. She struggled with it for a while because of course being my friend she didn't want to tell me no. But she ended up saying no which was perfectly fine. But now I feel guilty because I think I have caused her guilt. Thankfully, I have a pregnancy now which can greatly decrease both of our guilt. But what if that had not been the outcome? So in summary, if I could do it again I would never directly ask anyone (family or friends). If it is a mass question it is guilt free. People don't even have to respond. I hope someone out there can learn from my mistakes.
So excited to be 16 weeks pregnant!!!
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