Silent Disapproval

First, I have to post some pictures of my sweet daughters.  Today was one of those days where I feel like we are "living deep, and sucking all the marrow out of life". But the joy I have in watching my children is topped off by the fact that I know that these sweet moments of early childhood are not slipping away.  I have another one on the way!  I get this little rush whenever I think about it. It still doesn't seem like it is very real.  I guess when you have your big pregnant belly and someone kicking you all of the time it helps you get used to the fact that they truly will be entering life. I feel like I have to keep reminding myself. 

Changing subjects: Silent disapproval.  Vanessa and I have talked a few times about the different reactions that we get from people about this situation. Vanessa says she never gets anything but very positive responses.  I get probably 70% positive responses and 30% silent disapproval.  By this I mean that I tell them the 1-line version that I'm expecting a baby by a surrogate and I get 1 of 2 responses:  

1. Either people become very inquizative about how/why/etc and generally seem either happy for me or interested in the strange subject.. or, 

2. They change divert their eyes very quickly and tactfully they change the subject.  

There has only been 2 people I can think of who came out and told me that what I was doing was wrong.

Honestly, I don't mind the silent disapproval.  Almost 100% of strangers who I meet and tell about my surrogacy fit into the silent disapproval category. But can I really blame them? They know nothing about me or my situation.  I just look like a selfish rich person who doesn't want to get stretch marks right?  They just don't bother asking any details that might help them see my point of view, and I'm certainly not going to force the information on them when they are clearly uncomfortable with the topic.  Elderly people especially I've found can't comprehend surrogacy.  I've even had those who don't truly believe that the baby within Vanessa could be mine. And I've learned quickly that if their are uneducated on the subject, it is futile to try to explain it to them.

I'm not surprised a bit that Vanessa gets only positive responses while I get mixed responses. Vanessa is on the service end of this situation so people will see her as doing something wonderful. But I'm on the greedy/needy end of this so unless you understand the situation, people will not always see it as positive.

Vanessa and I have both expressed our views on surrogacy and where we stand as far as the church's position goes. I decided to use my favorite friend Google to see what other LDS opinions on the subject were. I found a website which was apparently supposed to be stories and such to be used as supplements to Relief Society Lessons. As one of the stories this site publisher used a story about a couple receiving personal revelation that they were to participate in a surrogacy (although the church discourages against it). There were tons of comments from readers on this posting. People seemed outraged that she would suggest using such a story in a Relief Society Lesson.  The publisher clearly saw the situation of surrogacy as I see it: ok in some small situations. But the commentators saw it as preaching that you can go against church policy as long as you have "personal revelation" saying that you can.

For me, I see it from both points of view. I think that since surrogacy is not 100% forbidden, there are some circumstances where it is ok. But I also do not believe that such a topic should be used during a relief society lesson. It it way too un-black-and-white of a subject to be using as an example.  Best left alone.

I found it interesting that the publisher of this article refuted the negative comments by talking about the "tons" of LDS bloggers who describe their surrogacy experiences and agree with her.  Tons must equal 3. This blog, Vanessa's, and Mormonsurrogate.com .  Glad to know that I"m 1/3 of "tons".