Emotional roller coaster of a day

This blog is mostly for myself, but in case someone benefits from it, read on if you wish.

After finding out our news this morning I felt like we are already mourning another loss.  Although there is still a chance we could get a healthy baby, I just realize that this is our last chance.  The previous 3 attempts have been major disappointments so I'm prepping myself for the worst.
I spent Easter Sunday at my in-law's ward.  Honestly I had a hard time focusing on anything that was said.  I was sulking in a way I guess.  And then, to make matters worse, in Relief Society a girl in the back row announced to everyone "Our surrogate is pregnant with twins! Due in July!"  My mother in law wanted me to pipe in and make a general announcement in Relief society that we had just transfered our embryo to our surrogate this morning.  I refused to do so for 2 reasons:
1.   Beings that the church discourages it, I don't think Relief Society meeting is the place to be making announcements about it.   It's like announcing your favorite coffee in RS meeting.
2.   My emotions on the subject are very raw at this point.  People are judgemental and don't understand.  Besides, it would be like announcing that you are pregnant with a baby that you know has a good chance of miscarrage.  Who wants to announce it when their is a good chance they will have to un-announce it if it miscarries?
I went up and talked to this LDS intended parent after RS.  This is her 5th and 6th children from surrogacy.  She did ovarian stimulation once 9 years ago and have been using the same batch of frozen eggs since.  Every attempt has been success and they lived happily ever after.  Boy I was really feeling sorry for myself after that.

But fear not readers-- my day ended on a more positive note than that.  I spent the evening talking to some friends of ours Sergio and Sarah who's 1 year old baby girls died unexpectedly just 2 weeks ago.  We discussed so many aspects of life/trials/perspective (way too many to blog).  By golly, when someone just lost a child 2 weeks ago they have some INSIGHTFUL things to say and those of us listening have open ears. Some of the things that I gained from my discussion with them tonight:
1.  Someone ALWAYS has it worse off than I do.
2.  I'm very lucky to have the 2 beautiful children that I have (especially considering the fact that my doctor said today that they are 2 miracles considering the quality of my embryos).
3.   The Lord has a plan for me and maybe this surrogacy is not it.  Or, maybe we just were due for a trial in life (I'd rather have my trial than hers!).
4.   When we start having negative woe-is-me type of thoughts, this is Satan trying to destroy us.  When tough circumstances come, it brings us to a fork in the road: Either closer to Christ or following Satan.  When negativity and doubt enters your mind the best thing to do is immediately label your thought as "from Satan"  and kick it out of your mind.  Don't give it a chance to grow.  Focus on the positive, moving forward, and helping others grow from the experience.
5.  Utilizing the atonement is essential during difficult times.  Sarah commented that she realized until now she didn't know how to use  the Atonement.  All we have to do is ask the Lord in prayer:  "Please taken my pain from me.  Please ease my burden, help me understand..."
6.  Sarah and I discussed the best and worst ways to help someone who is going through a terrible trial.  Conclusions:  don't ask them "how are you doing?"  Either they must lie or they must say "terrible" which makes them feel obligated to explain (which they may not want to do).  Instead say "I"m thinking about you.  I'm praying for you"  which isn't ignoring the subject, but it isn't forcing them to talk about it either.
Next, unless you are CLOSE with that person already, don't visit.  Don't even call except for just to say you care and offer services.   Sarah expressed the fact that she felt like she told her story 20 times per day to so many different people and she felt like she was just coughing up the story on demand trying to make others feel better when she really didn't want to.    Next, don't say "let me know if you need anything".   Instead, find a way to help and show love.  Examples she gave:  Someone dropped of paper goods on their porch, someone took suits to be cleaned/pressed prior to the funeral, etc..

I'm so glad I got to talk to Sergio and Sarah tonight.  I sure hope that in 10 days we find out we are expecting , but if we don't I know I'll be ok despite the dashed dreams.  Perspective.

My 2 sweet little blessings.  Miracles according to the doctor.