Perspective

Life has been different ever since 2 days ago.  

S and I were on the phone with the medical assistant at the clinic as the ultrasound was being performed.  We were visiting family at the time and we were in our room with the door locked (so the kids wouldn't come in).  Within 10 seconds they told us that there were 3 sacs.  Honestly I felt like they just told me that there was a 50% chance that the entire pregnancy would be lost.  I know about triplets and the high risks and considering how small Vanessa is it just seemed like it was doomed to failure.  Honestly there wasn't a drop of happiness in the news.  

Here are some of the gloomy statistics on the subject:  

1.      90% of triplets ended up having an extended stay in NICU

2.      We will be 60 X more likely to have one of our babies die in the 1st month of life than a singleton.  

3.      Pretty much 100% chance of c-section

4.      likely to have extended bed rest and hospitalizations for Vanessa

There are TONS of reasons to worry as there are so many things that can go wrong at this point.  S and I stayed in that locked room for a good 40 minutes getting used to the idea.

As anyone who has read Vanessa's blog post can tell, she was not focused on this at all.  She is quite happy and feels at peace with it all.  All of my concerns are valid.  But as Vanessa talked to me a few minutes after the ultrasound she said something that changed my attitude towards it all.  I realize now that what is done is done.  She is pregnant with triplets.  The risks are going to be there whether we worry ourselves grey or not so we might as well celebrate and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible.  

So as of now I am genuinely excited about this pregnancy.  In fact, I just can’t stop thinking about it.  I’ve barely been able to sleep for the past 2 nights.  Our little lives have just changed forever with this new knowledge.  Honestly, I would LOVE to have 3 healthy babies.  Yes, it will be absolutely crazy  busy but how lucky would that be to complete my family in one shot?    I have lots of family and friends who have already spoken up as being willing to help. And, eventually when this is all said and done we theoretically have $ again and will be able to pay for a mother-helper to help out.  It seem like a much better use of $ than living in a fancy house or having my hair cut and colored every six weeks. We will be fine as long as we have an extra set of adult hands helping out.    And how much fun it will be when they get a little older!   Triplets!   2 cute boys to be little buddies and watch football with daddy; and a girl to tag along with 2 bigger adoring sisters. 

As anyone who reads Vanessa’s blog can tell, she is a intended parent’s dream-come-true.  Today in Relief Society in the ward I was visiting we talked about Angels and how we as RS sisters can be angels.  All I could think about was Vanessa and how much of an angel she is.  And I’ll put a little plug in for Clark too for being so supportive (let’s face it, he is going to be the single parent for a while)  absolutely amazing.  How on earth do you thank someone for for something like this???  I don’t think I could find another surrogate like Vanessa if I searched for the next 10 years.  Infact, I feel sorry for anyone reading this blog who is looking for a surrogate.  Vanessa is one in a billion.  Steve and I are just feeling so blessed right now.

On a different subject, I want to mention something for any potential intended parents in case it helps them in some way.  We made our decision to transfer 3 embryos based on our doctor’s recommendation and also based on the statistics that he gave us.  He told us that for embryos that had been through genetic testing and there were 3 embryos transferred that there was a 3% chance of triplets,  and a 20% chance of twins.  Yesterday I was speaking with a completely different doctor who pointed out that these statistics don’t really apply to us in our situation because of the population that was being accounted for in these studies.  Normally, the only people who do genetic testing are people who are quite old (like 36+) or have some severe infertility issues.  These embryos are then transferred back to old uteruses that might have endometriosis or whatever else.  In contract, our embryos were transferred to a very young and healthy uterus.  Therefore, the statistics he gave us didn’t really apply to us.  We would obviously have a higher chance of more embryos sticking than the older sicklier people.  I don’t know if realizing this before would have made much of a difference  in our decision or not.  I think it would have, but it is hard to say that for sure.  But I just wanted to point it out in case someone out there ends up in our same shoes with a life-time decision to be made in 10 minutes while your surrogate is waiting medicated on the table for the transfer to take place. 

At this point S and I are very excited.  We are joining Vanessa in the optimism of this pregnancy.  I completely understand that people who point out the negative and risks are just trying to warn/protect us because they care.  But I can assure you that we’ve heard it all and were thoroughly warned about it before we even transferred 3 embryos.  So please keep your warnings and negative stories to yourself.  We will rely on the counsel of the best doctors at this point and otherwise continue hoping for best.