Once upon a time S. and I had a foster son. He was just 1 month younger that my oldest daughter (11 months). He had been through so much in his little life already and I tried my very best to love him and make things perfectly equal between him and my daughter. But the truth is that I loved my own daughter much more. I made things fair, but it wasn't truely fair because I couldn't help the fact that I loved my own flesh and blood more.
I'm absolutely sure that if I had never been able to have my own children that I would love an adopted child like my own. But I DO have my own children. I'd like to hope that I could love an adopted child as much as my own, but I have no guranteee of that. It would not be fair to a child to bring them into a family and not love them as much. And even if we did, they would always wonder if we did. This is why we have ruled out adoption.
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