I guess this is the part where my blog gets boring for the next 6 months or so. All of the exciting major events happen at the beginning and the end. Now we just hurry up at wait (at least I do-- Vanessa is a bit more involved). So I guess I'll be digging for things to write about.
At this point I still have not told my 2 daughters. I'm already glad that I didn't tell them we were having triplets. I think I'll wait a few more months to tell them just because July is forever away to a 3 and 5 year old. But they pray every single day "and please help us to get a new baby in our family".
Thus far, my ward here has been very positive about the idea of surrogacy. But I've only really announced it to my friends (the young crowd) and I told my bishop in a temple-recommend interview. I'm waiting for the news to spread itself and I'm 100% prepared for any negative reactions. At this point, after all we've been through I don't think a hundred negative reactions would change anything about how I feel about it. I know that S. and I chose to do the right thing for our family and that we got our own spiritual confirmation. The Lord knows the intents of our hearts. He knows we are trying to perpetuate our family to follow his plan. I don't feel like we are doing this for selfish reasons. I feel like we are not messing with the boundries of families because the baby is 100% ours.
On a side note, I can't remember if I've ever blogged this fact or not, so I might as well say it now. Once upon a time we asked our bishop if a surrogate baby would be born under the covenant. He didn't know so he took it to the Stake President...who took it to the temple president...who took it to some member of the 1st presidency.... The answer that we got back from the bishop via the first presidency was that the baby would be born under the covenant and would not need to be sealed to us. It makes me wonder what they would say about a traditional surrogate baby. (I'll never know and that's ok I guess). The fact that our baby is going to be sealed to us from the moment of birth just confirms to me once again that what we are doing is not wrong. We are doing surrogacy the one and only right way.
I think about Vanessa and baby constantly and pray for them just as much.....and check her blog almost as much : )
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Tied up
This is a little personal, but I guess this entire blog is, so what the heck...
Today I went and got my tubes tied (permanent birth control) I had to be there at 6am and the hospital is nearly 2 hours away so my entire family woke up at 4am and drove through the cold darkness to get there. We could have got a hotel room or a babysitter to make it easier, but we are on a tight budget.
I had a lot of time to think on the way there. Lots of memories came back to me of when I had the abortion. Ironically, Vanessa is 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow which is exactly where I was in my pregnancy when I was forced to abort. I've waiting a long time to get this done and even this morning I was hesitating. When you get something like this done the doctor asks "now are you 100% sure you don't ever want more children?" No! absolutely no. I definitely do want children. It is such a hard thing for me because I want to have more children more than anything else right now.... but pregnancy is just too difficult and dangerous. Throughout this entire process over the past 2 years I've kept going back to the idea of pregnancy for me again. But I don't have to think about it very long before I remember why I can NEVER do it again. Even still, I was quite emotional as I drove to the hospital and I looked at my beautiful sleeping girls in the back seat and in a way I felt like I was rejecting them by getting my tubes tied.
Once at the hospital, my little family came in to see me to my room. All of the medical personnel commented on my darling girls. I felt a great need to let them know that I wasn't getting my tubal ligation because I didn't want more children. I just needed them to understand for some reason. So I told them about our surrogate and baby. Everyone's first question was "where did you find your surrogate?" I told them "Craigslist" and braced myself for that all-knowing oh-dear-I-hope-she-doesn't-scam-you look on their face that they tried to mask with a fakely enthusiastic "great!" I tried to tell them how wonderful she is in 2 sentences, But of course that cannot be done. I even got choked up as I told one of the nurses about my angel surrogate Vanessa. Anyone who has read her blog can agree with me, but even then you don't quite understand how wonderful she is. I love that girl.
This afternoon I was in my bed very sore, with a raspy voice trying to wake up from anesthesia. My phone which was on the bed with me rang. I thought to myself "I'm only going to answer it if it is Vanessa" It was. She is my new favorite person for sure.
Today was an emotional day for me, but knowing I'll be getting 1 more in just 218 days made it much easier. Otherwise, I don't think I could have done it.
Today I went and got my tubes tied (permanent birth control) I had to be there at 6am and the hospital is nearly 2 hours away so my entire family woke up at 4am and drove through the cold darkness to get there. We could have got a hotel room or a babysitter to make it easier, but we are on a tight budget.
I had a lot of time to think on the way there. Lots of memories came back to me of when I had the abortion. Ironically, Vanessa is 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow which is exactly where I was in my pregnancy when I was forced to abort. I've waiting a long time to get this done and even this morning I was hesitating. When you get something like this done the doctor asks "now are you 100% sure you don't ever want more children?" No! absolutely no. I definitely do want children. It is such a hard thing for me because I want to have more children more than anything else right now.... but pregnancy is just too difficult and dangerous. Throughout this entire process over the past 2 years I've kept going back to the idea of pregnancy for me again. But I don't have to think about it very long before I remember why I can NEVER do it again. Even still, I was quite emotional as I drove to the hospital and I looked at my beautiful sleeping girls in the back seat and in a way I felt like I was rejecting them by getting my tubes tied.
Once at the hospital, my little family came in to see me to my room. All of the medical personnel commented on my darling girls. I felt a great need to let them know that I wasn't getting my tubal ligation because I didn't want more children. I just needed them to understand for some reason. So I told them about our surrogate and baby. Everyone's first question was "where did you find your surrogate?" I told them "Craigslist" and braced myself for that all-knowing oh-dear-I-hope-she-doesn't-scam-you look on their face that they tried to mask with a fakely enthusiastic "great!" I tried to tell them how wonderful she is in 2 sentences, But of course that cannot be done. I even got choked up as I told one of the nurses about my angel surrogate Vanessa. Anyone who has read her blog can agree with me, but even then you don't quite understand how wonderful she is. I love that girl.
This afternoon I was in my bed very sore, with a raspy voice trying to wake up from anesthesia. My phone which was on the bed with me rang. I thought to myself "I'm only going to answer it if it is Vanessa" It was. She is my new favorite person for sure.
Today was an emotional day for me, but knowing I'll be getting 1 more in just 218 days made it much easier. Otherwise, I don't think I could have done it.
Monday, December 12, 2011
What to say to someone who has experienced a loss 101
I think I'm handling this loss a bit better than Vanessa at this point. S and I have always been a bit cautious about getting our hopes up too high because of our many disappointments in the past. As I said in a blog before, when they first told me we had triplets my first thoughts were that I was likely to loose some if not all. So I don't think it came as quite of a shock to me as it did to Vanessa.
1. Acknowledge their loss. If you hear about it from another source (friend, internet) don't just ignore the subject. It might make them seem like you don't care.
2. Acknowledge their loss and nothing more. Do not ask "how are you doing?" Do not say "maybe it's for the better.." do not say "he is in a better place now". Do not try to make them feel better because it won't work and many times it make them feel worse. And please don't add your opinion and words of wisdom.
Good ways to react: if you hear about it directly from the person just say "I'm so sorry, I'll be praying for you" (no opinions or trying to make it better).
If you hear about it from another source you can send a card/flowers or tell them in person "I heard about your loss. Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and I care" The key to this is making sure that your statement is not open ended with a question or anything. Then can just say "thanks" The person experiencing loss does not feel obligated to discuss it (but they can if they want in which case your job is to be a listener).
Personally, I think a phone call or showing up on someone's doorstep to discuss is not the best way to handle it. Either would make the person feel obligated to discuss it with you.
So in summary: acknowledge their loss without offering any opinions or asking them any questions. Just let them know you care...period.
Friday, December 9, 2011
wow..........wow.
This is a hard blog to write. I've been thinking about it for a while but I guess there is nothing to do but start typing...
Today is week 8. Vanessa had an ultrasound today. My Dr called me to tell me the result. He told me right off of the bat that the results were "very abnormal" and "both good and bad". First of all, one of our triplets split. Identical twins.....yes that makes 4 total babies. But the identical twins had no heartbeat and neither did 1 of the others. So we are down to 1. So we found out that we lost 3 today.
It is hard to know how to express my feelings at this point. I morn the losses of those babies. S and I had definitely got used to the idea of triplets in this past week and we've been talking about it non-stop. We were mentally prepared for 3 additions to the family and we've had tons of fun announcing it to everyone.
Our doctor pointed out the fact that pregnancies with identical twins are very dangerous and that it is likely that the entire pregnancy would have been a failure if the identicals would have lasted a while longer. So in a way it was a blessing that they miscarried really early. He also pointed out that now we have 1 healthy baby and a low-risk pregnancy. This is the silver lining to this very black cloud. At this point, this pregnancy is safe. Very good chances we'll have a perfectly healthy baby come July.
This of course means that all of those anticipated trials (bed rest, NICU, financial bondage, etc) are gone. But that of course doesn't matter at this point. The loss is huge. This is the 3rd time we've had a loss of unborn children. Total of 4 babies. This definitely hurts..........but we will move on and rejoice in our baby nestled safely within Vanessa.
Now we get to un-announce our triplets. I don't like this part at all. Telling people about such a personal loss is never easy.
Today is week 8. Vanessa had an ultrasound today. My Dr called me to tell me the result. He told me right off of the bat that the results were "very abnormal" and "both good and bad". First of all, one of our triplets split. Identical twins.....yes that makes 4 total babies. But the identical twins had no heartbeat and neither did 1 of the others. So we are down to 1. So we found out that we lost 3 today.
It is hard to know how to express my feelings at this point. I morn the losses of those babies. S and I had definitely got used to the idea of triplets in this past week and we've been talking about it non-stop. We were mentally prepared for 3 additions to the family and we've had tons of fun announcing it to everyone.
Our doctor pointed out the fact that pregnancies with identical twins are very dangerous and that it is likely that the entire pregnancy would have been a failure if the identicals would have lasted a while longer. So in a way it was a blessing that they miscarried really early. He also pointed out that now we have 1 healthy baby and a low-risk pregnancy. This is the silver lining to this very black cloud. At this point, this pregnancy is safe. Very good chances we'll have a perfectly healthy baby come July.
This of course means that all of those anticipated trials (bed rest, NICU, financial bondage, etc) are gone. But that of course doesn't matter at this point. The loss is huge. This is the 3rd time we've had a loss of unborn children. Total of 4 babies. This definitely hurts..........but we will move on and rejoice in our baby nestled safely within Vanessa.
Now we get to un-announce our triplets. I don't like this part at all. Telling people about such a personal loss is never easy.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Perspective
Life has been different ever since 2 days ago.
S and I were on the phone with the medical assistant at the clinic as the ultrasound was being performed. We were visiting family at the time and we were in our room with the door locked (so the kids wouldn't come in). Within 10 seconds they told us that there were 3 sacs. Honestly I felt like they just told me that there was a 50% chance that the entire pregnancy would be lost. I know about triplets and the high risks and considering how small Vanessa is it just seemed like it was doomed to failure. Honestly there wasn't a drop of happiness in the news.
Here are some of the gloomy statistics on the subject:
1. 90% of triplets ended up having an extended stay in NICU
2. We will be 60 X more likely to have one of our babies die in the 1st month of life than a singleton.
3. Pretty much 100% chance of c-section
4. likely to have extended bed rest and hospitalizations for Vanessa
There are TONS of reasons to worry as there are so many things that can go wrong at this point. S and I stayed in that locked room for a good 40 minutes getting used to the idea.
As anyone who has read Vanessa's blog post can tell, she was not focused on this at all. She is quite happy and feels at peace with it all. All of my concerns are valid. But as Vanessa talked to me a few minutes after the ultrasound she said something that changed my attitude towards it all. I realize now that what is done is done. She is pregnant with triplets. The risks are going to be there whether we worry ourselves grey or not so we might as well celebrate and enjoy the pregnancy as much as possible.
So as of now I am genuinely excited about this pregnancy. In fact, I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve barely been able to sleep for the past 2 nights. Our little lives have just changed forever with this new knowledge. Honestly, I would LOVE to have 3 healthy babies. Yes, it will be absolutely crazy busy but how lucky would that be to complete my family in one shot? I have lots of family and friends who have already spoken up as being willing to help. And, eventually when this is all said and done we theoretically have $ again and will be able to pay for a mother-helper to help out. It seem like a much better use of $ than living in a fancy house or having my hair cut and colored every six weeks. We will be fine as long as we have an extra set of adult hands helping out. And how much fun it will be when they get a little older! Triplets! 2 cute boys to be little buddies and watch football with daddy; and a girl to tag along with 2 bigger adoring sisters.
As anyone who reads Vanessa’s blog can tell, she is a intended parent’s dream-come-true. Today in Relief Society in the ward I was visiting we talked about Angels and how we as RS sisters can be angels. All I could think about was Vanessa and how much of an angel she is. And I’ll put a little plug in for Clark too for being so supportive (let’s face it, he is going to be the single parent for a while) absolutely amazing. How on earth do you thank someone for for something like this??? I don’t think I could find another surrogate like Vanessa if I searched for the next 10 years. Infact, I feel sorry for anyone reading this blog who is looking for a surrogate. Vanessa is one in a billion. Steve and I are just feeling so blessed right now.
On a different subject, I want to mention something for any potential intended parents in case it helps them in some way. We made our decision to transfer 3 embryos based on our doctor’s recommendation and also based on the statistics that he gave us. He told us that for embryos that had been through genetic testing and there were 3 embryos transferred that there was a 3% chance of triplets, and a 20% chance of twins. Yesterday I was speaking with a completely different doctor who pointed out that these statistics don’t really apply to us in our situation because of the population that was being accounted for in these studies. Normally, the only people who do genetic testing are people who are quite old (like 36+) or have some severe infertility issues. These embryos are then transferred back to old uteruses that might have endometriosis or whatever else. In contract, our embryos were transferred to a very young and healthy uterus. Therefore, the statistics he gave us didn’t really apply to us. We would obviously have a higher chance of more embryos sticking than the older sicklier people. I don’t know if realizing this before would have made much of a difference in our decision or not. I think it would have, but it is hard to say that for sure. But I just wanted to point it out in case someone out there ends up in our same shoes with a life-time decision to be made in 10 minutes while your surrogate is waiting medicated on the table for the transfer to take place.
At this point S and I are very excited. We are joining Vanessa in the optimism of this pregnancy. I completely understand that people who point out the negative and risks are just trying to warn/protect us because they care. But I can assure you that we’ve heard it all and were thoroughly warned about it before we even transferred 3 embryos. So please keep your warnings and negative stories to yourself. We will rely on the counsel of the best doctors at this point and otherwise continue hoping for best.
Friday, December 2, 2011
And the number is......
We are expecting Triplets!!!! Due July 21st which probably means they'll arrive in May or June. Babies will be born via our wonderful surrogate Vanessa.
I know that I'm going to have a few more people on my blog now that I've handed out this link so let me give a brief summary of how we got here:
As many already know, my pregnancies are horrific to say the least. Our last one was life threatening and we've been advised to not attempt pregnancy again. We were not content with our family size so we decided to use a surrogate. We've been trying for the past 20 months(ish) to make it work and finally it has! The 3 babies are all 100% mine and Steve's. We are just renting a womb for a while. This blog has thus far been documentation of our failures. But hopefully now it will be a documentation of our journey to being parents again.
We are a little nervous, but even more excited about the prospects of triplets. Our surrogate Vanessa who will be the one going through the misery and bed-rest of it has a very happy bring-it-on attitude which puts us at ease a bit. Steve and I are SOOO very happy to finally be able to make such an announcement.
Oh, and just an FYI, I won't be posting anything about the surrogacy on facebook. Come here to comment or ask questions.
Thanks for caring enough to check this out : )
Here we go.........
I know that I'm going to have a few more people on my blog now that I've handed out this link so let me give a brief summary of how we got here:
As many already know, my pregnancies are horrific to say the least. Our last one was life threatening and we've been advised to not attempt pregnancy again. We were not content with our family size so we decided to use a surrogate. We've been trying for the past 20 months(ish) to make it work and finally it has! The 3 babies are all 100% mine and Steve's. We are just renting a womb for a while. This blog has thus far been documentation of our failures. But hopefully now it will be a documentation of our journey to being parents again.
We are a little nervous, but even more excited about the prospects of triplets. Our surrogate Vanessa who will be the one going through the misery and bed-rest of it has a very happy bring-it-on attitude which puts us at ease a bit. Steve and I are SOOO very happy to finally be able to make such an announcement.
Oh, and just an FYI, I won't be posting anything about the surrogacy on facebook. Come here to comment or ask questions.
Thanks for caring enough to check this out : )
Here we go.........
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Gratitude
In this month of Thanksgiving I couldn't have a more thankful heart.
I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father and also Vanessa for helping my dream come true. Last night I went and kissed my 2 sleeping princesses. I adore my children. They are absolutely priceless. Heavenly Father and Vanessa are giving me a priceless gift. Yes, I'll be paying Vanessa, but you can't pay the price of the child. I'm only paying her for her inconvenience and discomfort for being pregnant.
S and I have thus far paid a HUGE sum of money towards our many many attempts at this. Lets just say we could have paid cash for a home here in Illinois with that $. When I thought it had not worked I was really distraught at the idea of what we could have used that money for instead of loosing it all. But now that this has worked, it was worth every penny and I have absolutely no regrets. I'd pay it all again without hesitation.
I'm so grateful and excited. I'm having the hardest time waiting until December 2nd to find out how many we are having. Based on the numbers thus far, there is an extremely good chance of multiples. This is both exciting and scary since Vanessa isn't quite 5 feet tall (not much room inside!).
I've told just a few select people about our pregnancy. I'm excited to announce it after the 2nd. I know I'll get some interesting reactions but at this point I couldn't care less about what people think. I now allow myself to imagine going and watching our babies be delivered and bringing them home. This is going to be the fastest pregnancy every (all of my 9-month pregnancies seemed to last about 5 years or so).
Lastly, Vanessa is about 5 weeks pregnant now. I was thinking about that fact last night. When I was pregnant with #3 I was 5 weeks pregnant at Christmas and me and my family had gone to Utah to Visit (from California). We knew I'd most likely be hospitalized around 6 weeks since that is what had happened with my previous 2 pregnancies. But by the 23rd (5 weeks) I was already getting sick so we celebrated Christmas on the 24th in the morning and I flew home and Steve and the kids drove the entire way (and mind you it was Steve's birthday). Honestly, I was scared to death. I knew what was coming and although we had planned it, I was terrified. Christmas day I was only able to keep down the juice I sucked out of an orange and by the 26th I was in the hospital for dehydration. Shortly thereafter my feeding tube went in. 3 weeks after that we lost our baby. Vanessa is at the same point of pregnancy where I would be hospitalized. I'm so grateful that I'm not going to be hospitalized and suffer beyond belief this time. I cry as I write this. I just can't express my gratitude. It was horribly ironic that the only way to get what I want most (a baby) was through my horrific pregnancies.....until now. How do you thank someone for a priceless gift and saving you from such suffering? I have no idea.
I am so thankful to my Heavenly Father and also Vanessa for helping my dream come true. Last night I went and kissed my 2 sleeping princesses. I adore my children. They are absolutely priceless. Heavenly Father and Vanessa are giving me a priceless gift. Yes, I'll be paying Vanessa, but you can't pay the price of the child. I'm only paying her for her inconvenience and discomfort for being pregnant.
S and I have thus far paid a HUGE sum of money towards our many many attempts at this. Lets just say we could have paid cash for a home here in Illinois with that $. When I thought it had not worked I was really distraught at the idea of what we could have used that money for instead of loosing it all. But now that this has worked, it was worth every penny and I have absolutely no regrets. I'd pay it all again without hesitation.
I'm so grateful and excited. I'm having the hardest time waiting until December 2nd to find out how many we are having. Based on the numbers thus far, there is an extremely good chance of multiples. This is both exciting and scary since Vanessa isn't quite 5 feet tall (not much room inside!).
I've told just a few select people about our pregnancy. I'm excited to announce it after the 2nd. I know I'll get some interesting reactions but at this point I couldn't care less about what people think. I now allow myself to imagine going and watching our babies be delivered and bringing them home. This is going to be the fastest pregnancy every (all of my 9-month pregnancies seemed to last about 5 years or so).
Lastly, Vanessa is about 5 weeks pregnant now. I was thinking about that fact last night. When I was pregnant with #3 I was 5 weeks pregnant at Christmas and me and my family had gone to Utah to Visit (from California). We knew I'd most likely be hospitalized around 6 weeks since that is what had happened with my previous 2 pregnancies. But by the 23rd (5 weeks) I was already getting sick so we celebrated Christmas on the 24th in the morning and I flew home and Steve and the kids drove the entire way (and mind you it was Steve's birthday). Honestly, I was scared to death. I knew what was coming and although we had planned it, I was terrified. Christmas day I was only able to keep down the juice I sucked out of an orange and by the 26th I was in the hospital for dehydration. Shortly thereafter my feeding tube went in. 3 weeks after that we lost our baby. Vanessa is at the same point of pregnancy where I would be hospitalized. I'm so grateful that I'm not going to be hospitalized and suffer beyond belief this time. I cry as I write this. I just can't express my gratitude. It was horribly ironic that the only way to get what I want most (a baby) was through my horrific pregnancies.....until now. How do you thank someone for a priceless gift and saving you from such suffering? I have no idea.
Monday, November 14, 2011
We are expecting!!!!
So very excited to announce the fact that we are expecting!! We are pregnant!!!
So much to catch up on. I quit blogging because
#1 we planned on being done trying and
#2 Blogging was to painful.
Even when I knew we were trying again I didn't want anyone to know because i couldn't handle discussing something so very raw emotionally with everyone.
So, in the extremely shortened/condensed version of what has happened in the past 6 months is that my doctor offered another option we had not tried yet: Get 2 batches of embryos, test them all for genetic problems, and try to get at least 2 good one's to transfer. We also found a new way of funding all of this (since we were out of $). So we decided to give it one last go.
Unfortunately, Jane apparently decided she was done with us. (this was about 1 month after the last failure). I tried calling/emailing/facebooking about 10 times asking if she was willing to do it again (for more $ this time) and telling her that it was perfectly fine if she didn't want to, but I just wanted to know. I got absolutely no response. She wouldn't respond to anyone at the clinic either which baffled them since she had recently told the nurse practioner at the clinic that she'd be willing to do it again for us as many times as we wanted. Nobody ever got a hold of her so I finally moved on. Through a little facebook stalking I discovered she had an unsuccessful attempt at another surrogacy in september. I have no ill feelings towards Jane. she was wonderful while I had her.
Finding another surrogate was a HUGE struggle. I was burned by so many people and lost thousands to agencies who provided nothing for me. I figured my best bet was to advertise on craigslist in Utah. I got all kinds of weirdish people who would respond to me. They'd send HUGE emails giving me every detail of their life and telling me how they qualified in every way "I've never done anything against the word of wisdom in my life". I learned to not even read the long emails until I first copied and pasted their names into Facebook. Most of the time I could get a lot better idea of what they were truly like very quickly on Facebook. When Budweiser is on their list of favorites and they have pictures of their tattoos I get the point rather quickly.
But then I got an email from Vanessa. She didn't have insurance which meant automatically that I wasn't going to waste my time with her although she looked wonderful. Well, see for yourself:
One of my favorite pictures of her and her husband.
When I went to Utah and we got together a few times.
She is the cute one on the left whereas I'm the completely awfully frumpy one on the right.
Shortly after Vanessa first contacted me we realized that whereas she didn't have insurance, she could have insurance since her husband Clark had just started a new job and was still in enrollment period. PERFECT timing. So we got her signed up. Perfect. Everything with Vanessa went extremely easy. Not a single bump along the path. It just felt so right and she was too good to be true... Not only that, but she lives within the same zip code as not only the clinic we've been using, but also my parent's house. Even better! (although I would have used her even if she would have lived in Maine).
Vanessa is wonderful, I'm sure I'll blog more about her later (still trying to keep this the short version). Oh, and she is completely fine with me using her name so no code names needed. I however still prefer my name not be paired with the fact that we are doing surrogacy. Why? because when we move again in 18 months I want to go to a place where nobody knows my baby(s) are surrogate babies. I don't want people to be able to google me and figure out that my babies were born from a surrogate mother.
Vanessa has a great blog. Currently it contains a lot more about the details of what is going on. http://myamundson5.blogspot.com/
I'm making this announcement to my blog knowing that there were only a few select people that I gave the link to originally, and that I'm sure most of them stopped following this long ago. We are not going announce our pregnancy to the public just yet (still feeling cautious I guess) and so if you are lucky enough to run across this post, feel privileged but please don't pass on the information just yet.
I just HAD to tell my blog. Even if nobody out there is reading it.
Lots more to come later. We'll find out if we are having multiples on the 2nd of december.
So much to catch up on. I quit blogging because
#1 we planned on being done trying and
#2 Blogging was to painful.
Even when I knew we were trying again I didn't want anyone to know because i couldn't handle discussing something so very raw emotionally with everyone.
So, in the extremely shortened/condensed version of what has happened in the past 6 months is that my doctor offered another option we had not tried yet: Get 2 batches of embryos, test them all for genetic problems, and try to get at least 2 good one's to transfer. We also found a new way of funding all of this (since we were out of $). So we decided to give it one last go.
Unfortunately, Jane apparently decided she was done with us. (this was about 1 month after the last failure). I tried calling/emailing/facebooking about 10 times asking if she was willing to do it again (for more $ this time) and telling her that it was perfectly fine if she didn't want to, but I just wanted to know. I got absolutely no response. She wouldn't respond to anyone at the clinic either which baffled them since she had recently told the nurse practioner at the clinic that she'd be willing to do it again for us as many times as we wanted. Nobody ever got a hold of her so I finally moved on. Through a little facebook stalking I discovered she had an unsuccessful attempt at another surrogacy in september. I have no ill feelings towards Jane. she was wonderful while I had her.
Finding another surrogate was a HUGE struggle. I was burned by so many people and lost thousands to agencies who provided nothing for me. I figured my best bet was to advertise on craigslist in Utah. I got all kinds of weirdish people who would respond to me. They'd send HUGE emails giving me every detail of their life and telling me how they qualified in every way "I've never done anything against the word of wisdom in my life". I learned to not even read the long emails until I first copied and pasted their names into Facebook. Most of the time I could get a lot better idea of what they were truly like very quickly on Facebook. When Budweiser is on their list of favorites and they have pictures of their tattoos I get the point rather quickly.
But then I got an email from Vanessa. She didn't have insurance which meant automatically that I wasn't going to waste my time with her although she looked wonderful. Well, see for yourself:
One of my favorite pictures of her and her husband.When I went to Utah and we got together a few times.She is the cute one on the left whereas I'm the completely awfully frumpy one on the right.Shortly after Vanessa first contacted me we realized that whereas she didn't have insurance, she could have insurance since her husband Clark had just started a new job and was still in enrollment period. PERFECT timing. So we got her signed up. Perfect. Everything with Vanessa went extremely easy. Not a single bump along the path. It just felt so right and she was too good to be true... Not only that, but she lives within the same zip code as not only the clinic we've been using, but also my parent's house. Even better! (although I would have used her even if she would have lived in Maine).
Vanessa is wonderful, I'm sure I'll blog more about her later (still trying to keep this the short version). Oh, and she is completely fine with me using her name so no code names needed. I however still prefer my name not be paired with the fact that we are doing surrogacy. Why? because when we move again in 18 months I want to go to a place where nobody knows my baby(s) are surrogate babies. I don't want people to be able to google me and figure out that my babies were born from a surrogate mother.
Vanessa has a great blog. Currently it contains a lot more about the details of what is going on. http://myamundson5.blogspot.com/
I'm making this announcement to my blog knowing that there were only a few select people that I gave the link to originally, and that I'm sure most of them stopped following this long ago. We are not going announce our pregnancy to the public just yet (still feeling cautious I guess) and so if you are lucky enough to run across this post, feel privileged but please don't pass on the information just yet.
I just HAD to tell my blog. Even if nobody out there is reading it.
Lots more to come later. We'll find out if we are having multiples on the 2nd of december.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Going crazy
Maybe blogging this will help. I doubt it.
I'm not sure if I'm going to survive until Wednesday. I just need to know the answer...pregnant or not pregnant. With every passing day I'm growing more and more anxious and nervous because Jane told me she bought a bunch of pregnancy tests and she'd call me the minute one turned out positive. When she was pregnant with our baby that miscarried we had a positive result by day 6 (I'm fairly sure). We are at day 7 now and I've heard nothing. I know that that doesn't mean anything conclusive, but it just makes me nervous. 1 blood test tomorrow, one wednesday.
Going blue from holding my breath....
I'm not sure if I'm going to survive until Wednesday. I just need to know the answer...pregnant or not pregnant. With every passing day I'm growing more and more anxious and nervous because Jane told me she bought a bunch of pregnancy tests and she'd call me the minute one turned out positive. When she was pregnant with our baby that miscarried we had a positive result by day 6 (I'm fairly sure). We are at day 7 now and I've heard nothing. I know that that doesn't mean anything conclusive, but it just makes me nervous. 1 blood test tomorrow, one wednesday.
Going blue from holding my breath....
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Emotional roller coaster of a day
This blog is mostly for myself, but in case someone benefits from it, read on if you wish.
After finding out our news this morning I felt like we are already mourning another loss. Although there is still a chance we could get a healthy baby, I just realize that this is our last chance. The previous 3 attempts have been major disappointments so I'm prepping myself for the worst.
I spent Easter Sunday at my in-law's ward. Honestly I had a hard time focusing on anything that was said. I was sulking in a way I guess. And then, to make matters worse, in Relief Society a girl in the back row announced to everyone "Our surrogate is pregnant with twins! Due in July!" My mother in law wanted me to pipe in and make a general announcement in Relief society that we had just transfered our embryo to our surrogate this morning. I refused to do so for 2 reasons:
1. Beings that the church discourages it, I don't think Relief Society meeting is the place to be making announcements about it. It's like announcing your favorite coffee in RS meeting.
2. My emotions on the subject are very raw at this point. People are judgemental and don't understand. Besides, it would be like announcing that you are pregnant with a baby that you know has a good chance of miscarrage. Who wants to announce it when their is a good chance they will have to un-announce it if it miscarries?
I went up and talked to this LDS intended parent after RS. This is her 5th and 6th children from surrogacy. She did ovarian stimulation once 9 years ago and have been using the same batch of frozen eggs since. Every attempt has been success and they lived happily ever after. Boy I was really feeling sorry for myself after that.
But fear not readers-- my day ended on a more positive note than that. I spent the evening talking to some friends of ours Sergio and Sarah who's 1 year old baby girls died unexpectedly just 2 weeks ago. We discussed so many aspects of life/trials/perspective (way too many to blog). By golly, when someone just lost a child 2 weeks ago they have some INSIGHTFUL things to say and those of us listening have open ears. Some of the things that I gained from my discussion with them tonight:
1. Someone ALWAYS has it worse off than I do.
2. I'm very lucky to have the 2 beautiful children that I have (especially considering the fact that my doctor said today that they are 2 miracles considering the quality of my embryos).
3. The Lord has a plan for me and maybe this surrogacy is not it. Or, maybe we just were due for a trial in life (I'd rather have my trial than hers!).
4. When we start having negative woe-is-me type of thoughts, this is Satan trying to destroy us. When tough circumstances come, it brings us to a fork in the road: Either closer to Christ or following Satan. When negativity and doubt enters your mind the best thing to do is immediately label your thought as "from Satan" and kick it out of your mind. Don't give it a chance to grow. Focus on the positive, moving forward, and helping others grow from the experience.
5. Utilizing the atonement is essential during difficult times. Sarah commented that she realized until now she didn't know how to use the Atonement. All we have to do is ask the Lord in prayer: "Please taken my pain from me. Please ease my burden, help me understand..."
6. Sarah and I discussed the best and worst ways to help someone who is going through a terrible trial. Conclusions: don't ask them "how are you doing?" Either they must lie or they must say "terrible" which makes them feel obligated to explain (which they may not want to do). Instead say "I"m thinking about you. I'm praying for you" which isn't ignoring the subject, but it isn't forcing them to talk about it either.
Next, unless you are CLOSE with that person already, don't visit. Don't even call except for just to say you care and offer services. Sarah expressed the fact that she felt like she told her story 20 times per day to so many different people and she felt like she was just coughing up the story on demand trying to make others feel better when she really didn't want to. Next, don't say "let me know if you need anything". Instead, find a way to help and show love. Examples she gave: Someone dropped of paper goods on their porch, someone took suits to be cleaned/pressed prior to the funeral, etc..
I'm so glad I got to talk to Sergio and Sarah tonight. I sure hope that in 10 days we find out we are expecting , but if we don't I know I'll be ok despite the dashed dreams. Perspective.
My 2 sweet little blessings. Miracles according to the doctor.
After finding out our news this morning I felt like we are already mourning another loss. Although there is still a chance we could get a healthy baby, I just realize that this is our last chance. The previous 3 attempts have been major disappointments so I'm prepping myself for the worst.
I spent Easter Sunday at my in-law's ward. Honestly I had a hard time focusing on anything that was said. I was sulking in a way I guess. And then, to make matters worse, in Relief Society a girl in the back row announced to everyone "Our surrogate is pregnant with twins! Due in July!" My mother in law wanted me to pipe in and make a general announcement in Relief society that we had just transfered our embryo to our surrogate this morning. I refused to do so for 2 reasons:
1. Beings that the church discourages it, I don't think Relief Society meeting is the place to be making announcements about it. It's like announcing your favorite coffee in RS meeting.
2. My emotions on the subject are very raw at this point. People are judgemental and don't understand. Besides, it would be like announcing that you are pregnant with a baby that you know has a good chance of miscarrage. Who wants to announce it when their is a good chance they will have to un-announce it if it miscarries?
I went up and talked to this LDS intended parent after RS. This is her 5th and 6th children from surrogacy. She did ovarian stimulation once 9 years ago and have been using the same batch of frozen eggs since. Every attempt has been success and they lived happily ever after. Boy I was really feeling sorry for myself after that.
But fear not readers-- my day ended on a more positive note than that. I spent the evening talking to some friends of ours Sergio and Sarah who's 1 year old baby girls died unexpectedly just 2 weeks ago. We discussed so many aspects of life/trials/perspective (way too many to blog). By golly, when someone just lost a child 2 weeks ago they have some INSIGHTFUL things to say and those of us listening have open ears. Some of the things that I gained from my discussion with them tonight:
1. Someone ALWAYS has it worse off than I do.
2. I'm very lucky to have the 2 beautiful children that I have (especially considering the fact that my doctor said today that they are 2 miracles considering the quality of my embryos).
3. The Lord has a plan for me and maybe this surrogacy is not it. Or, maybe we just were due for a trial in life (I'd rather have my trial than hers!).
4. When we start having negative woe-is-me type of thoughts, this is Satan trying to destroy us. When tough circumstances come, it brings us to a fork in the road: Either closer to Christ or following Satan. When negativity and doubt enters your mind the best thing to do is immediately label your thought as "from Satan" and kick it out of your mind. Don't give it a chance to grow. Focus on the positive, moving forward, and helping others grow from the experience.
5. Utilizing the atonement is essential during difficult times. Sarah commented that she realized until now she didn't know how to use the Atonement. All we have to do is ask the Lord in prayer: "Please taken my pain from me. Please ease my burden, help me understand..."
6. Sarah and I discussed the best and worst ways to help someone who is going through a terrible trial. Conclusions: don't ask them "how are you doing?" Either they must lie or they must say "terrible" which makes them feel obligated to explain (which they may not want to do). Instead say "I"m thinking about you. I'm praying for you" which isn't ignoring the subject, but it isn't forcing them to talk about it either.
Next, unless you are CLOSE with that person already, don't visit. Don't even call except for just to say you care and offer services. Sarah expressed the fact that she felt like she told her story 20 times per day to so many different people and she felt like she was just coughing up the story on demand trying to make others feel better when she really didn't want to. Next, don't say "let me know if you need anything". Instead, find a way to help and show love. Examples she gave: Someone dropped of paper goods on their porch, someone took suits to be cleaned/pressed prior to the funeral, etc..
I'm so glad I got to talk to Sergio and Sarah tonight. I sure hope that in 10 days we find out we are expecting , but if we don't I know I'll be ok despite the dashed dreams. Perspective.
My 2 sweet little blessings. Miracles according to the doctor.
Bad news about embryos
15 minutes before the scheduled transfer my doctor called us to give us the report on the embryos' genetics. Not good. Of the 9 biopsied, only 1 was normal. The rest had severe chromosomal abnormalities on multiple chromosomes (52 chromosomes, 28 chromosomes, etc..) The only good one happens to be a girl. She will be transfered to Jane this morning and we'll find out in 10 days if she is pregnant.
1 out of 21 eggs. The doctor said I could expect the same results if I was to do it again. He said he is also giving me a 50% chance of miscarriage for any pregnancy I would have myself. My slow-to-stimulate self is related to having poor quality eggs.
Since we have no eggs to freeze we won't be able to do our last paid for frozen transfer if this doesn't work. In fact, we won't be able to afford to do this again for at least a few years...IF we decided to do it again.
We are fervently praying this morning for success. Clinging to our last hope.
1 out of 21 eggs. The doctor said I could expect the same results if I was to do it again. He said he is also giving me a 50% chance of miscarriage for any pregnancy I would have myself. My slow-to-stimulate self is related to having poor quality eggs.
Since we have no eggs to freeze we won't be able to do our last paid for frozen transfer if this doesn't work. In fact, we won't be able to afford to do this again for at least a few years...IF we decided to do it again.
We are fervently praying this morning for success. Clinging to our last hope.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Injections/bloatedness/and hyperstimulation syndrome
Oh, and I'm holding my syringes. I'd like to point out that the needle on my syringe is too big and I would have switched it to a smaller one for my subcutaneous injection in my tummy. But my poor surrogate gets those big of needles every day (intramuscular in her booty). No fun for her-- she's been doing it for MONTHS.
After the transfer I started having symptoms of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. Swollen painful abdomen, nausea, shortness of breath, etc.. This would be a concern if I was going to be the one getting pregnant this week, but since I'm not it is something is bothersome and will go away in time. My poor sister in law spent more than a week in the hospital with it with her IVF pregnancy. Just another reason to be glad I'm doing a surrogacy!!!
Lastly our 7 remaining embryos that were good quality were biopsied and are in the process of being tested. Anxiously awaiting results!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Attempt # 4 here we go
Tomorrow will be my egg harvesting. Last they told me I have 18 follicles this time. yeah!!! I personally think it was the IUD removal that made the difference. I'm going to be glad to get this done tomorrow because those 18 little follicles (2cm each on average) feel like 2 fists in my sides. It is very uncomfortable especially when sitting. My ovaries must be huge and they are quite sore. I've also been really exhausted and sleepy. But I'm glad-- this is what we wanted.
So, ironically: after my clinic paid for S Utah from California for more sperm and blood(since they discarded the frozen stuff on accident) they almost had to pay for another plane ticket. They called S just as he was boarding his plane and said "we need you to come back to the clinic-- we need another vile of blood". He asked them if they wanted to pay for a different plane ticket and they decided they didn't need the blood so badly after all.
I hope that it works this time because we can't afford to try again anytime soon. This process is crazy expensive. 74% chance this time. Transfer date Easter Sunday and we'll find out 10 days later if it worked.
So, ironically: after my clinic paid for S Utah from California for more sperm and blood(since they discarded the frozen stuff on accident) they almost had to pay for another plane ticket. They called S just as he was boarding his plane and said "we need you to come back to the clinic-- we need another vile of blood". He asked them if they wanted to pay for a different plane ticket and they decided they didn't need the blood so badly after all.
I hope that it works this time because we can't afford to try again anytime soon. This process is crazy expensive. 74% chance this time. Transfer date Easter Sunday and we'll find out 10 days later if it worked.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Lab oops
Today my nurse practitioner (who does all of my management) informed me that she had bad news. "I feel absolutely sick having to tell you this. I just can't believe it......" Meanwhile I'm bracing myself for the worst. The NP informed me that someone in the lab threw away S's frozen sperm (frozen about 6 months ago from attempt 2).
When she told me this there was a huge sigh of relief on my part. That is a fixable problem! ....although not cheap/easy to fix. She told me this just 2 hours after I had taken S to the airport to fly home from Utah. So, we immediately bought tickets to fly him back. It also means $1200 in FDA testing again (government mandated testing to make sure he hasn't picked up any new STD's since the last time he was tested). Thankfully, the clinic is picking up the tab on all of it. I'm just glad that this is a fixable problem!
I find out how my little eggs are doing tomorrow!!!
When she told me this there was a huge sigh of relief on my part. That is a fixable problem! ....although not cheap/easy to fix. She told me this just 2 hours after I had taken S to the airport to fly home from Utah. So, we immediately bought tickets to fly him back. It also means $1200 in FDA testing again (government mandated testing to make sure he hasn't picked up any new STD's since the last time he was tested). Thankfully, the clinic is picking up the tab on all of it. I'm just glad that this is a fixable problem!
I find out how my little eggs are doing tomorrow!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Attempt # 4
I almost hesitate to blog just because my postings seem to be getting a bit repetitive. But, here we go again.
So this time around we've taken a few extra steps increase our chances of this working. First of all, I had my IUD removed. It is likely (but not for sure) that it is the reason that I don't produce many eggs. Maybe we'll get a few more this time. I have maxed out on the fertility medication dosage-- they can't give me anything stronger so hopefully the IUD removal will help.
Secondly, we are going to be doing genetic testing our embryos. There are all different sorts of genetic testing, but we are testing all 24 chromosomes. We will then be given a big report of and embryo's genetic abnormalities and % chance of each one having different problems (like late-life brain cancer, Downs syndrome, etc). The reason for this is that if we pick the most genetically healthy embryos our chances of pregnancy are greatly increased (from about 45% chance to 75 % chance) and chances of miscarriage are decreased. They say that this is because a body's natural tendency is to reject pregnancies with genetic defects. The extra cost $3700. Ouch-- but worth it if it gets us a healthy baby or 2 here.
According to the genetic counselor person I spoke with, at least 55% of our embryos will have significant genetic abnormalities when doing IVF (but not normally). I can understand this since so many of them are yanked from me before they are done cooking and also some that are way over-done.
So when our embryos are about 6 cells big they will biopsy 1 cell off of each (hoping its not a limb!), mail to to California for testing, then they will send the report for us to review with our doctor and make our choice on embryos.
Also included on the genetic report is the gender of each kiddo. We will definitely be leaning towards boys, but if the girls all look healthier, we'll choose them instead. Successful pregnancy is more important than gender. But if they are all the same, it will be nice to balance out our family : )
So I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this time around. Excited and nervous (thus the 3am blog).
So this time around we've taken a few extra steps increase our chances of this working. First of all, I had my IUD removed. It is likely (but not for sure) that it is the reason that I don't produce many eggs. Maybe we'll get a few more this time. I have maxed out on the fertility medication dosage-- they can't give me anything stronger so hopefully the IUD removal will help.
Secondly, we are going to be doing genetic testing our embryos. There are all different sorts of genetic testing, but we are testing all 24 chromosomes. We will then be given a big report of and embryo's genetic abnormalities and % chance of each one having different problems (like late-life brain cancer, Downs syndrome, etc). The reason for this is that if we pick the most genetically healthy embryos our chances of pregnancy are greatly increased (from about 45% chance to 75 % chance) and chances of miscarriage are decreased. They say that this is because a body's natural tendency is to reject pregnancies with genetic defects. The extra cost $3700. Ouch-- but worth it if it gets us a healthy baby or 2 here.
According to the genetic counselor person I spoke with, at least 55% of our embryos will have significant genetic abnormalities when doing IVF (but not normally). I can understand this since so many of them are yanked from me before they are done cooking and also some that are way over-done.
So when our embryos are about 6 cells big they will biopsy 1 cell off of each (hoping its not a limb!), mail to to California for testing, then they will send the report for us to review with our doctor and make our choice on embryos.
Also included on the genetic report is the gender of each kiddo. We will definitely be leaning towards boys, but if the girls all look healthier, we'll choose them instead. Successful pregnancy is more important than gender. But if they are all the same, it will be nice to balance out our family : )
So I'm feeling cautiously optimistic this time around. Excited and nervous (thus the 3am blog).
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Feeling Deperate
Maybe I need to change the name of this blog. I don't seem to be expecting (which was the point).
I feel low right now. This past failure has been the hardest for me of all of them. All my life I've had the idea that I can get whatever I want if I just work hard enough. I've always achieved the "impossible" with a some determination and hard work. But nomatter what I do, I can't change the fact that we don't have a baby and my dream of having my children close together is being shattered. I know, I know, many say that that is not important. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here. Maybe he is trying to teach me that sometimes I just have to rely on him and nomatter how much effort I put into it, I'm still dependent on him. If that is the lesson I'm supposed to learn here then what am I supposed to do about it? Quit my job? Stop stressing? I don't know!
So we try again. But due to the fact that our clinic only does IVF every other month, we have to wait until April Advice for anyone going through IVF: never never never never NEVER use a clinic that only does cycling every other month!!!!!!! This is the 3rd time that we have to wait an extra month (or 2) because we barely meet the cut of date for their cycling.
At this point I'm feeling deserate. I'm willing to try anything or do anything to get a baby here. Adoption, a second surrogate? Try pregnancy myself.....no that is going too far.
All I can do is pray.
I feel low right now. This past failure has been the hardest for me of all of them. All my life I've had the idea that I can get whatever I want if I just work hard enough. I've always achieved the "impossible" with a some determination and hard work. But nomatter what I do, I can't change the fact that we don't have a baby and my dream of having my children close together is being shattered. I know, I know, many say that that is not important. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
Maybe the Lord is trying to teach me something here. Maybe he is trying to teach me that sometimes I just have to rely on him and nomatter how much effort I put into it, I'm still dependent on him. If that is the lesson I'm supposed to learn here then what am I supposed to do about it? Quit my job? Stop stressing? I don't know!
So we try again. But due to the fact that our clinic only does IVF every other month, we have to wait until April Advice for anyone going through IVF: never never never never NEVER use a clinic that only does cycling every other month!!!!!!! This is the 3rd time that we have to wait an extra month (or 2) because we barely meet the cut of date for their cycling.
At this point I'm feeling deserate. I'm willing to try anything or do anything to get a baby here. Adoption, a second surrogate? Try pregnancy myself.....no that is going too far.
All I can do is pray.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Another failure
I'm not very happy right now.
She's not pregnant.
We'll try again ASAP.
I guess with a 30% chance it was to be expected.
She's not pregnant.
We'll try again ASAP.
I guess with a 30% chance it was to be expected.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Helplessness
At this very moment hundreds of mile away in Idaho a doctor is implanting my surrogate with our embryos.
The doctor called this morning to tell me that only 2 of the 3 embryos survived the thaw and only 1 of them was in good condition. He will transfer both. But he said odds of pregnacy were 30%. Not very good, but we'll cling to that chance.
Lots of prayers are being sent heavenward today. It is all that I can do at this point.
We'll find out if it worked on the 21st.
The doctor called this morning to tell me that only 2 of the 3 embryos survived the thaw and only 1 of them was in good condition. He will transfer both. But he said odds of pregnacy were 30%. Not very good, but we'll cling to that chance.
Lots of prayers are being sent heavenward today. It is all that I can do at this point.
We'll find out if it worked on the 21st.
Monday, January 17, 2011
1 Year ao
It was one year ago today that I was forced to abort my baby. I can't believe that I have not even achieved a pregnancy by now. Honestly I feel like I've been doing ok for most of the year (except for at first of course). People would ask me about how I was doing and I'd say I was ok and I meant it. Now however I'm having a harder time with it. All of the disappointment is getting to me. If people ask me, I still try to put on a happy face, but it isn't at all sincere.
The latest plan is that we'll transfer again the first week of february. I think my heart will break if it doesn't work this time.
The latest plan is that we'll transfer again the first week of february. I think my heart will break if it doesn't work this time.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Communication Error
It isn't so much fun to post on this blog lately. But I'll update for historical purposes.
I spoke with my doctor about starting the next transfer attempt. He said he's have his nurse get things rolling. About 3 weeks later I call the nurse and ask how things are going and what is happening. I found out that she never knew she was supposed to be doing anything so nothing was happening. Somehow the message from the doctor never got to the nurse. Now we get to wait an additional month to try again. So now the count down is until January 9th(ish).
Oh, I also made a huge blunder myself. The doctor suggested we ship my little frozen kiddos to Idaho to the other clinic where my doctor works and where Jane lives close by. So I did. Thankfully, the head embyologist himself was making the trip so he personally transported them which was a huge relief since they are very sensitive to movement, noise, temperature changes, etc.. However, a few days after they arrived I realized that I have a financial contract with this ATTAIN company that is only good if we do the transfer in Utah. I spent 2 days making phone calls and figured some ways to get all involved parties to compromise. I had to go right to the top of the companies to get the approval, but I did it! I was so nervous I was going to have to ship my embryos (and Jane) back to Utah to do it! Oops on my part!
I spoke with my doctor about starting the next transfer attempt. He said he's have his nurse get things rolling. About 3 weeks later I call the nurse and ask how things are going and what is happening. I found out that she never knew she was supposed to be doing anything so nothing was happening. Somehow the message from the doctor never got to the nurse. Now we get to wait an additional month to try again. So now the count down is until January 9th(ish).
Oh, I also made a huge blunder myself. The doctor suggested we ship my little frozen kiddos to Idaho to the other clinic where my doctor works and where Jane lives close by. So I did. Thankfully, the head embyologist himself was making the trip so he personally transported them which was a huge relief since they are very sensitive to movement, noise, temperature changes, etc.. However, a few days after they arrived I realized that I have a financial contract with this ATTAIN company that is only good if we do the transfer in Utah. I spent 2 days making phone calls and figured some ways to get all involved parties to compromise. I had to go right to the top of the companies to get the approval, but I did it! I was so nervous I was going to have to ship my embryos (and Jane) back to Utah to do it! Oops on my part!
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